Just attended a Seattle blogger meetup and probably infected everyone with the crud that’s going around. I just hate canceling commitments two days in a row so I trudged on with a head full of Sudafed and with the best of intentions.
I am absolutely tired and I’m going to sleep …zzz….zzzz……zzzzzzzz
I am feeling under the weather today. Jim tells me that it’s the toxins that are being released after being stagnant in my body from lack of exercise. Seriously. I believe him.
Here is my cop-out post for today:
I am totally addicted to this song that I found on Melanie’s fabulously cute blog called Six Impossible Things. She describes this song as:
“one of those ‘dance around the room and imagine that you’re actually in Spain wearing something really fantastic as you walk down the street and listen to all the hearts breaking as you pass by’ songs.”
I concur. If you want to listen to this song, say in your car, while you’re at the gym, washing dishes, avoiding your coworkers or when you want to be in an awesome mood, then you can download this song here.
Oh Jarabe de Palo, why can’t all men be like you … making me happy and wanting to high-five the world?
Thighs: What the hell?
Me: It’s good for you.
Thighs: You’re totally bullshitting me.
Me: C’mon, it’s not so bad. Really, you knew it was coming. You’ve been in a rut.
Thighs: You’re telling me I’m in a rut? I’m doing just fine. At least I’ve grown over the years.
Me: I’m quite aware of the fact that you’ve grown. It’s not quite the growth that I was hoping for.
Thighs: I hope you know what you’re doing. I’m not giving it up that easily.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Several years back I went to a Chinese acupuncturist in the University District who was a 6th Generation Doctor of Oriental Medicine from Beijing. When he was a child his parents sent him to a Buddhist monastery where he studied medicine just like his father and his father’s father and his father’s father’s father and so on and so forth etc. etc. etc. This man had the smoothest skin you could ever imagine beholding. In fact you could almost get hypnotized staring at his poreless porcelain visage. That is, if were not for the fact that it takes your full concentration to decipher what he was trying to say. And I am a seasoned when it comes to understanding what Asian people are trying to say in English - I could hardly understand him.
When I first went to go see him he looked at my tongue, checked my pulse and read my palm. He then looked at me and said, “You have lots of emotional stress.” No shit, I didn’t need to pay anyone $110 to tell me that. Then he said, “Too much belly fat. Lose weight. ” Again, did I pay for this? Thinking back, that juncture I wanted out of my relationship so badly that I just ate and ate and ate my way through the stress. I didn’t need acupuncture, I need a new life. I started out at 140 lbs back in 2001 and after the implosion of my relationship, a job implosion, depression and a mid-thirties crisis, I’ve gained 40 whopping pounds. You do the math.
Suffice to say, I have reached the limits of ‘emotional stress’ and ‘belly fat’ and am now working achieving a better life balance. I am on the path to being the happiest that I have ever been, yet I am the unhealthiest that I have ever been. If you were wondering how this feels - it totally sucks ass. It’s like being in an ill-fitting outfit. Like all of the time.
So I am, as with many aspects of my life, making decisions and taking massive action. Getting in shape is just another one of those things that is so important for me to accomplish once and for all. As much as I like to think that my weight issues don’t bother me, it totally does. I am sooooo over it.
In honor of my commitment (and to get over my fear of the camera) I am going to take daily self-portraits so I can document the changes in my face leading up to the Jingle Bell 5k. I got the idea from this blog that I am addicted to. Sharyn is doing a series of self-portraits called 365 days + 1.
Her photos are much more clever and creative than mine will be.
I am in the process of learning how to use iMovie. I have an ancient HDcamcorder, a bunch of old cassettes and no patience. This has kept me in good humor all evening and missing those days when Paige was in elementary school.
Paige & I attended the Anti-Proposition 8 march today and I can’t believe what a great mother-daughter bonding experience it was. Last night we stayed up till around 10 pm creating posters and had a grand time thinking up slogans and chatting about what to expect. Paige landed on her take of the Wasilla church’s program to convert homosexual tendencies through prayer. She wrote:
“Pray Away the Prejudice”
This morning we had a pre-rally breakfast up on Capitol Hill - close to where the march started. Our friends Betsy & Kim joined us there and I think it made it all the more meaningful for Paige to feel like she was marching for the civil rights of her loved ones. You see, even though Betsy & Kim have been together for years and are one of the most loving couples that we know - they are unable to legally marry. We think that is sooooo stupid.
After breakfast we headed to Volunteer Park and gathered with over 3,000 other people who were fired up and ready to go. The crowd listened to a series of speakers, including Mayor Nickels who declared today “Marriage Equality Day.” The sun was on our side.
Even though people are predominately addressing this as a gay-marriage issue, Prop8 is really about stripping the civil rights of a group of people because they are gay. This sounds eerily familiar, kinda like when our country stripped withheld the basic civil rights of African Americans or Japanese Americans (hello internment camps!). It wasn’t that long ago when interracial marriages were illegal. If you ask me it sorta smells a bit unconstitutional and discriminatory to me. Scary.
It was amazing to see gay, straight, families, religiously affiliated and people across the diversity spectrum come out in support of this important issue.
Paige is one proud demonstrator and was so happy to see folks on the sidelines cheering the rally on. Power to the peeps!
Today I asked a prominent blogger & author (who I admire very much) if she had any advice about transitioning my career from nonprofit to freelance writing. Her reply:
“Go back to philanthropy!! Before you start to like it here!! It doesn’t earn a living, let me tell you …”
This of course sent shivers down my spine because I gave up the security of 9 to 5 job for love and a laptop. Self-love, that is. Self-preservation. Over the last 14 years I had been so focused on making everyone else happy that I didn’t have anything left for myself. I know I am not alone in this feeling. In fact, I believe that I have just described how 85% of all mothers feel. (Another 10% are on medication and don’t feel anything at all.)
These days, instead of getting whatever leftover time there is in the day, I have become fanatical about time for me! me! me! I am addicted to writing. I am now an idea factory. I have so many projects that I want to work on that I don’t have time for them all. My house is a mess. I have no idea where all the spoons went. I am not the least bit curious about that weird odor in my laundry room. My car could use an oil change. And, for all intents and purposes, next month could be a complete financial catastrophe if I don’t start hunkering down.
So yesterday I heard the word “yes” and today I hear the words “go back.” Life is so confusing sometimes I double down in nausea because of the uncertainty. Am I delusional? Is there such a thing as a happy medium? Can we have it all?
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