This is what I’ve been hearing from everyone in my life right now. WHERE ARE YOU? You act like you’re on an island or something.
Well, why yes I am. I am on an island. Trapped under a box of french crullers. Lord help me.
Actually, I’ve been preoccupied with that house of mine. Not the one on Vashon but the one that I own in West Seattle. You know the one that was supposed to be a good investment (buy high! sell higher!). The one that is slated to pay for Paige’s college. And my trip around the world. The one that practically imploded last summer with the leak to end all leaks. THAT ONE.
Well that house is still getting fixed up. STILL.
Let’s harken back to when I was a young naive home remodeler with nothing but big dreams and 40 episodes of Flip That House & Extreme House Makeover under my belt. My motto being, “If they can do that in 1 month with $15,000 think what I can do with 3 months and $50,000!”
Oh the naivety.
It’s been going so slow. And we’ve run into so many problems. Just think about all of the remodeling stories you’ve heard in your lifetime. Everyone has a remodeling battle story. Like the neighbor who redid their kitchen … their eyes start to go vacant as they recall with great accuracy that in the end it cost them 47.5% more than they had anticipated. They were unwilling to give up the honed marble because it came from the same quarry that Michaelangelo’s David was carved from. MICHAEL-FUCKING-ANGELO. So now they have honed Italian marble countertops sitting proudly on their IKEA cabinets.
That’s how things are going. Except, I don’t have the budget for marble. I am just trying to figure out how I can afford to replace the toilet.
And that is the bitter truth of the home remodel. You open up walls and you find things like there’s no insulation or more leaks. And just when you can’t think of anything worse than vinyl siding, you realize that there is something infinitely worse. ASBESTOS. Or the subfloor is warping and needs to be replaced. So you have to make choices like, what do I shave from this very very very slim budget?
AND if you are really delusional like I am, you start to think that you can do things tile and grout (I saw them do it on Trading Spaces!) or mess with electrical wiring. Brahahahah!! In my case, I am feeling fearless and have decided to remove the asbestos shingles from my house because I couldn’t bear cutting $4,000 from the budget.
*Sigh*
Suffice to say, those hazmat suits make my butt look big(ger).
Arielle: If you could visualize how you want your body to be, what would it look like? Me: Uh, are you asking me to describe it to you? Arielle: Yeah. Like think of a celebrity. Whose body do you admire? Me: Well, I don’t really watch that much television so it’s hard to say. I mean, I am never going to look like Angelina Jolie. Arielle: None of us are going to look like Angelina Jolie. Me: Okay. Well what about Kate Hudson? She always looks fit. Arielle: You are NEVER going to look like Kate Hudson. Me: I didn’t mean “LOOK LIKE” Kate Hudson. I realize that there are several genetic barriers. But she always looks like she’s glowing. I want to glow. Arielle: Honey, that’s just really good makeup and lighting. Try again. Me: Okay. How about Jennifer Lopez. She’s got a big butt. I’ve got a big butt. Arielle: Okay. Much better. Jennifer Lopez … BUT MORE FIT. Me: More fit? Arielle: GET ON THAT SCALE.
My first appointment with Arielle K (not to be mistaken for Arielle VF) was relatively painless. There were no calipers involved. Instead, they have these body fat calculators that you hold on to and they end up telling you things like 37.5% of your body weight is comprised of fat. The Tanita at home tells me no such thing. Tanita, me love you long time.
Given the fact that I am at 184 – 37.5% body fat means that I am lugging around 69 pounds of fat. Just imagine 69 one pound boxes of butter – that’s how much fat 69 pounds is. You minus out how much fat is normal to have for someone my size (let’s just say 22%) and through the magic of math, the amount that I need to loose is around 47 pounds. Let’s just call in 50 for good measure.
Dropping down to 134 pounds seems like a good goal to have. Last year I had visions of dropping down to my prepregnancy weight of 115 pounds but Arielle assurred me that 134 would be a good intermediary goal to have. The first 50 would be hard work. Another 20 would mean making some serious changes … in other words, going into athlete mode. Right now I am going for “normal healthy individual” … somewhere in between Jennifer Lopez and Kate Hudson.
Or maybe I’ll just strive to be the best version of Giyen.
I was just reading my friend Karen’s blog and my mood was instantly transformed from cranky to happy when I watched this:
It’s a spectacular morning here as I am crossing the channel into Seattle. Everyone I look at is smiling because it’s hard not to looking a snow covered mountain tops tinted with cotton candy pinks and not be smiling. It’s gorgeous and I wish you were here to share it with me.
