Heartbreak is hearing your daughter sob in the next room because of a boy. I guess the benefits of being the “dumper” goes out the window when your ex-boyfriend turns around and dates your good friend. No amount of mommy love can fix that.
If that happened to me, I would pour myself a shot of bourbon and keep the bottle flowing all night long until I:
(a) passed out while listening to Leonard Cohen songs,
(b) made a belligerent call to one or the both of them telling them what mother-effers they were,
(c) buy myself a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes or
Westfield Southcenter Mall had their grand re-opening today. The place went through a major upgrade - adding 75 new stores, 5 sit-down restaurants and a 16 screen movie theater. Generally I don’t get excited about going to the mall but I definitely was looking forward to the opening a store that has eluded me for the last 5 years - H&M. Woohoo! 2 stories of heaven! I couldn’t wait.
Apparently, neither could the rest of Seattle. The line was 200+ people deep. There were men in double-breasted suits guarding the entrance so people couldn’t get in unless the waited 20 -30 minutes.
Oh God! Only 200 people between me and fashion nirvana.
What you can’t see is the line that’s in the store just to take the escalator downstairs.
Well I’m sad to say … I was underwhelmed by H&M. Where was the Stella McCarthy, Karl Lagerfeld, Madonna, Commes de Garcon and Roberto Cavalli? Okay, I know that there is only one guest designer at a time, but I was sorta disappointed with the store. It was fine, just lackluster. Perhaps I will have to visit when there aren’t guys in suits moving me along like cattle and I can mingle about the rayon blends in peace.
Paige on the other hand was thrilled to go to the mall. She has been waiting patiently for the unveiling and insisted that we arrive early in order to take advantage of grand opening freebies. Aerie was handing out free undies, Delia’s was giving away a free $10 gift card just for trying on a pair of jeans and PacSun was passing out $25 gift cards for purchases of $50 or more. We were especially intrigued with the signature gift box that Westfield was giving away if you filled out a “Connect Card” survey:
So pretty! What could it be?
Waiting in anticipation of the surprise. Make-up? Chocolate? Cheap Chinese toy?
DENIED. We clearly only read what we wanted to hear.
We got a free signature “GIFT BOX” for filling out the form. A gift box, not a GIFT in a box. I gave my personal information away for an empty gift box with a big “W” on it. So lame.
Vanilla Ice circa 1990 - Cool!
(Don’t laugh, I was in high school)
Vanilla Ice circa 2005 @ SXSW - Cool?
Last spring I read this book called “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. You may have heard of it since it’s been all over the media and it’s orange cover has emblazoned the shelves of every Barnes & Noble, Target, Costco I’ve been to. It was also recommended by some person named Oprah. You may have heard of her.
When I first went to go buy the book, I was terrified. I liken buying anything considered “New Age” on the same level of purchasing KY or Preparation H. These things should be done online, in the privacy of your own home. It is character deficiency, I know. But there I was at Target, with the book face down in the cart, covered by the package of toilet paper. I wanted the book and was going to risk my pride because who would even care - right? The people at Target could care less. They’ve never once talked about my excessive use of Q-tips or Clorox Bleach. When I got to the checkout stand I placed the book on the conveyor belt (face down, under the toilet paper) and prayed to God the checker would quickly scan and bag.
No such luck.
Bleep. Bleep. Bleep.
In my head: Scan and bag. Just scan and bag.
Bleep. Bleep.
Checker: “Hey, isn’t that the new Oprah book? I hear she’s gonna do webcast with that guy, Ick-hart Toll. You doin’ that?”
Me: “Uh, I’m not sure what you are talking about.” I lied.
Checker: “Hey Becky (checker in next aisle), isn’t Oprah doing an online class or something? Isn’t she?”
Becky: “Yeah, something about that frou-frou book she keeps talking about.”
Checker: “You mean this one?”
Becky: “Yeah, that’s the one.”
Checker: “See, she’s doin’ a class on it. You should check it out.”
Me: “Thanks.”
I won’t bother to give a synopsis of the book, because (a) I think plenty of people have done so already and (b) who am I to proselytize? As with most things, there are things that apply and things that don’t. All I can say is that after reading it, I’ve started going through the process of redefining myself. Sad to say, but I was starting to feel a bit like Vanilla Ice.
Good LAWD. The rescue people are trying to kill me. Perhaps I should have slipped them a $50 and sent them a fruit basket. No word yet, not even a denial letter.
Here is what I am expecting:
Dear Potential Adoptee,
We regret to inform you that your application to adopt Betsy was rejected. Your household is not suitable to be inhabited by canines, let alone humans. We drove by your house yesterday and saw that your dandelions were above 5 inches tall and you have too many juniper hedges lining your front yard. We peered in your windows and saw that there were several loads of laundry that weren’t folded and the sink was full of dishes. And don’t get us started on your daughter’s room. There are severe choking hazards in there.
This is a picture of “Betsy” a Labrador Retriever and Australian Shepherd mix.
Paige and I have been looking to rescue a dog for the last three weeks and this cutie was an immediate, “She’s the one!”
I’ve never adopted a dog before. I thought you just show up, pay the adoption fee and save a pup’s life. Boy, was I mistaken. In order to adopt her you must submit an application online where it goes through a pre-approval process. Then you arrange for a home visit, your references are checked, FBI background scan is performed, you give up some blood samples and then a pledge of your next born child if you don’t take care of the pup. And then you pay them $300 for this.
Oh God. While I appreciate the rescue shelter’s diligence, we are at the edge of our seats! Will we be good enough?
@DinkerP2 all emergen C taste gross. ive tried them all but it's better than alka seltzer 1 hour ago
if u haven't tried Emergen-C when u are coming down with a flu try it! i would mainline EmergenC if i could -http://tinyurl.com/5qmn7o 2 hours ago
@avitania dont be embarassed everyone is reading that series. @massdistraction reading them too. i think you'll like her blog check it out! 2 hours ago
Recent Comments