So today I had to tell my staff of four that I resigned.  Since I’ve only worked there for two months, I was shocked to see them so broken up about it.  Two of them were in tears.  This is the kind of thing that makes your intestines tighten up into knots and wish you didn’t eat all-bran cereal and coffee for breakfast.  I like them so much.  But I like my sanity a little better.

What triggered it all was when I went to the doctor and she told me that my blood pressure was off the charts.  I’ve never had high blood pressure in my life but it runs in my family.  She basically told me to make “lifestyle changes” or takes some pills.  I opted for the “lifestyle changes” because I’m not good with pills (I have a 14 year old to prove it).

In good faith, I started compiling a list of changes:

1. Instead of drinking alcohol once or twice a month, I commit to drinking at least once or twice a day.
2. In lieu of working 4 days a week, I pledge that I will attempt to narrow it down to 4 hours a week.
3. I am going to start smoking.
4. I pledge to begin picking my daughter up late from school or just plain forget altogether.
5. Eat more red meat and drink milk from China.
6. Become a Republican and start watching Fox News.

Okay, maybe I’ll do none of the above or maybe I’ll do some of the above (oh how I miss you Camel Lights).  My point is, I try and eat as “cleanly” as possible.  I don’t smoke.  I’m almost always on time for things.  I am a card carrying Sierra Club Member.  I vote.  I can tell you what newspapers I read.  C’mon now.  What else does the Universe want from me?

So I’m a little perturbed that I have a “condition” that needs treatment.  I mean, what the doctor is basically saying to me is, “You are an uptight son of a bitch that needs to have more fun.  And oh by the way, it would be nice if you could lose some of that ass while you are at it.”  Maybe not in those words, but that’s what I heard.

Tags: health, weight issues