Am I Delusional? | Bacon Is My Enemy

Am I Delusional?

November 14th, 2008

Today I asked a prominent blogger & author (who I admire very much) if she had any advice about transitioning my career from nonprofit to freelance writing. Her reply:

“Go back to philanthropy!! Before you start to like it here!! It doesn’t earn a living, let me tell you …”

This of course sent shivers down my spine because I gave up the security of 9 to 5 job for love and a laptop. Self-love, that is. Self-preservation. Over the last 14 years I had been so focused on making everyone else happy that I didn’t have anything left for myself. I know I am not alone in this feeling. In fact, I believe that I have just described how 85% of all mothers feel. (Another 10% are on medication and don’t feel anything at all.)

These days, instead of getting whatever leftover time there is in the day, I have become fanatical about time for me! me! me! I am addicted to writing. I am now an idea factory. I have so many projects that I want to work on that I don’t have time for them all. My house is a mess. I have no idea where all the spoons went. I am not the least bit curious about that weird odor in my laundry room. My car could use an oil change. And, for all intents and purposes, next month could be a complete financial catastrophe if I don’t start hunkering down.

So yesterday I heard the word “yes” and today I hear the words “go back.” Life is so confusing sometimes I double down in nausea because of the uncertainty. Am I delusional? Is there such a thing as a happy medium? Can we have it all?

Tags: blogging, happiness, Midthirties Crisis

This entry was posted on Friday, November 14th, 2008 at 11:33 pm and is filed under Daily, Midthirties Crisis. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

10 Responses to “Am I Delusional?”

Mir Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 6:25 am

Wow. Look; I don’t know who you talked to, but I think that person did you something of a disservice. Freelancing is hardly a cushy/easy job, and it’s definitely not for everyone, but I’m sad that someone would discourage you so. Plenty of people earn a living this way.

Definitely go into it with your eyes wide open — it may be a year or two before you’re truly making a living, as you build your career, for example — but if you have a good understanding of your goals and what it will take to get there, don’t let anyone talk you out of it.

Freelancing is the only job I’ve ever loved. LOVED. And I put off pursuing it for a long time because I believed it wasn’t “practical.” Go read The Well-Fed Writer, if you haven’t. If you finish it and still want to go for it, go forth and rock!
derfina Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 9:11 am

If you don’t at least TRY, you’ll always look back and wonder “what if”. Nothing worth anything in life is easy. At the rate I’m rakin’ it in, I MAY get a paycheck in 2012 (and that is just blogging-I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea how to ‘freelance’ or ’submit’ anything) but like you said, this chit is addictive, and once you start, it is difficult to stop. Is there a way for you to do both? Think about how you CAN, not why you CAN’T.

derfina´s last blog post..Postscript, reminder and a little something extra.
Jess Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 9:51 am

Sometimes exploring the negative possibilities is as important as counting on the positive. I sense you’re on a threshold of positive change, so I wouldn’t let anything derail you now. However, clean your house. It will make YOU feel better, sometimes it’s as simple as seeing the order and rightness around you, to decide you deserve the same reflection from all areas of your life.
fidget Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 12:24 pm

some people will poo on your happy plans any chance they get. Realize it’s not easy but it is doable

fidget´s last blog post..Jethro no!
It's All in the Mind Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

To quote a character from one of those Adam Sandler movies… “YOU CAN DO IT!!!!” … OK … not the deepest comment ever, but those who commented before me are right on the money. Time for you to soar above (and those below better not look up with their mouths open).
Giyen Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 5:45 pm

@Mir thanks so much for the encouragement, i ordered the book and can’t wait to read it. I am looking forward to saying that I LOVE MY JOB. I think that the advice given to me was meant to shake me into looking at the reality of the business. She definitely loves the blogging business too.

@derfina YES WE CAN!

@Jess i just read a post by Tina Su about budgeting your time. not enough balance can derail you too. i’m breaking open the bleach now.

@Fidget why can’t we have easy and doable? lol.

@It’s All In the Mind – love you and your encouraging words cousin!
becky Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 6:40 pm

I was going to say what Mir said. And yes, you can earn a living. It’s not for the lazy. But if you’re willing to work hard, you CAN do it. And there’s so much more to freelancing than just blogging, don’t forget!

becky´s last blog post..Oops… now where was I?
Momo Fali Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 7:18 pm

I think you can never go wrong if you follow your heart. You may be poor, but at least you’ll be happy.
Jim Benson Says:
November 16th, 2008 at 7:37 pm

Balance.

You have some consulting and some writing. Don’t let either one dominate.

I’ve been consulting for a very long time and can tell you, it’s not easy. But it would take something pretty drastic to get me to go back to working for someone else full time.

I have learned, though, that multiple income streams are more stable than one. Consulting + writing = good thing.

And always let your network love you back.

Jim Benson´s last blog post..Fresh cranberries choc chips and orange cake batter [Flickr]
Roxane aka "momo-mama" Says:
November 17th, 2008 at 7:39 pm

I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has found the profound urge to focus on myself. I contantly have to remind myself that it is ok to be on my own path/wavelength, whatever.

I think this is all the more important in light of my Japanese-American, collectivist upringing… You & I can still be good moms & wives etc. even when thinking about ourselves.

You go girl!

Roxane aka “momo-mama”´s last blog post..Watch Yer Step…

Leave a Reply