Living Out Loud
I think it’s so brave when people live their lives out in the open – exposing all their goodness and messiness for everyone to see. It’s not that these people don’t care about what other people think … it’s just that they are propelled to do things despite what other people think. I used to think that I was like that in my 20s, but I now realize that it was just youthful exuberance and foolhardiness masked as confidence or assuredness. I’ve never been at this place before (that not giving a shit about what other people think place). It’s freeing.
Nowadays I am trying to be engaged in my life, even though the reality is that on some days I usually can only muster enough energy to poke my head out from the barnacle shell. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit (because I am much more amiable than a barnacle) but I know from experience it is especially difficult to reconstruct your life in the aftermath of heartbreak, a messy break-up, child custody battle, family estrangement, your sweet child turning into a teenager and a plethora of other small seemingly insignificant things accumulating over the years into one big avalanche of “what the hell happened?”
We all eventually get to a point of movement … a shift. Some might even call it a crisis. All the things that were tolerable become intolerable and deep down inside, you know that it’s time for a change. In fact change is waaaay overdue and it’s almost as if you are curdling up inside because your threshold for crap has expired.
So I’m here. At this quiet juncture in life where I have decided to choose ‘life’ over everything else. What good is social and economic stability when you feel all dead inside? I want life to be extraordinary. It doesn’t have to be easy, but it does have to be good.
Tags: barack obama, change, gwen bell, happiness, Life, Living Authentically, Midthirties Crisis, Milestones, yes we can
This entry was posted on Saturday, November 1st, 2008 at 10:17 am and is filed under Daily, Midthirties Crisis. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
10 Responses to “Living Out Loud”
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I totally love this post.
Jim Benson´s last blog post..Our Social Infrastructure
“Aye, there’s the rub!”
I came across something called “discourse variance” when I was doing soc- and cog-psych. Basically, our take on things depends on the situation. That that we’re all over the map, not at all; our individual “cognitive schema” are remarkably robust over time. But in different situations we choose a different spin on things. (My research project was about graphing that using a VRML version of multivariate analysis … it’s so hard to track things when there’s more than 2 or 3 things shifting at the same time!)
The classic case is racism, where a person in situation A might sound quite reasonable and civil, but in situation B you see a fully fledged set of racist attitudes manifest.
Reason I bring this up: when an individual finds themselves pressed to justify behaviour that’s less than noble, the rationalization gets down to earth pretty quickly. My boiler-plate: “Anybody who’s worked for a living knows the truth of ‘The nail that sticks up gets hammered’.”
Now, thing is, taking that as situation A, when someone dares to walk the path less often taken, that attitude shifts so s/he is made to seem unreasonable and even irresponsible.
We’re quick enough to attribute grasping and low-grade greed, even to ourselves. What’s still more/less taboo is social pressure. “Keeping up with the Jones’” is a commonplace. But “not daring to be true to ourselves” … not many folk are up to that.
“To thine own self be true and it shall follow …”; Polonius’ advice to his son is as true today as when Wilie penned it. And better, today we can measure the psychological and physiological consequences of inauthenticity. Which doesn’t amount to much until/unless we address the social pressure to conform. It’s convenient to think that #borg and #matrix are merely fictions. But they’re not.
“Profound relaxation” is considered one of the “benefits of the practice” in my school of Buddhism. Sounds good to me!
Ben
“Not daring to be true to ourselves” – indeed not many are up for that.
Many people are sadly very willing to forgo personal happiness and authenticity under the guise of “being responsible”. Only to find, years later, that the responsibility they were being was so inauthentic that it was self-defeating.
Jim Benson´s last blog post..Our Social Infrastructure
BRAVO! well said. i agree…life should be full of emotion, and hopefully the good ones more than the bad! it shouldn’t just *be*; rather, it should be experienced, tousled, laughed at, cried to, riveting, and so much more.
i spent too much time not feeling, and now i think maybe i feel too much. but i enjoy life infinitely more, and i love the little things in life i used to pass by without blinking at. maybe i’m reverting to childlike behavior, or maybe i’m just clinging to immaturity. but either way, i like it.
titan´s last blog post..day 1
That song is going thru my head:
I wish that
I knew what I know now
when I was younger…
Yeah I thought I knew it all once upon a time, I like it better in this place, where I much more honestly admit to not knowing every thing, but only knowing what I really know. I tell myself it’s called growing old gracefully.
clickmom´s last blog post..inked (not in the way you are thinking)
I hadn’t made the connection. I thought it was just me, ready to make a big leap of change…of living in a different, better more real way.
Yet, it seems that a lot of people I know are at this junction…ready for a change. Perhaps it is that our leadership is on the brink of such a drastic change that it is urging so many of us on.
hmmmm….
Susan´s last blog post..And so it begins…
@Everyone
I’ve am trying to live by the tenet of:
“It is the purpose of our lives to be happy.” – Dalai Lama
While it may be an over simplification of a greater spiritual practice, it’s still been extremely difficult for me to achieve given all the “noise” that distracts me from joy. I endeavor to live more simply so there’s less to get hung up on but it takes practice.
Meeting people who are the same journey always is comforting.
I used to not care what people thought.
Then I cared.
Now I’m back to not caring again and I like it best.
Jannie´s last blog post..What should I call this one?
What a beautiful, hopeful post. I, too, think we are about to start a new, better day. Hello from fellow Washington blogger.
Mrs. G.´s last blog post..Age Difference