I have broken down and finally, FINALLY succumbed to the meme madness. Are you happy people? I can break down to peer pressure like the rest of them.

25 Random Things About Me After Three Shots of Bourbon

1. I intend on suffocating my daughter with love. She pretends that she doesn’t like it, but I secretly think she does.

2. I am writing this after drinking 3 Makers Mark on the rocks and sharing a trio of appetizers with a friend. We had lamb sliders, calamari with bacon aioli and crawfish rangoons. Yes, I am on a diet. No, I am not going to throw it up. Yes, I plan on eating brown rice tomorrow (and all the consecutive days thereafter).

3. I wrestle with the fact that my love for food is unrequited. Food does NOT love me as much as I love food. Sadly, the same applies to my love for Anthony Bourdain and Ira Glass.

4. On the subject of love – I’ve been in three significant relationships in my life. It was with a musician, a writer and a carpenter. In order for you to get an idea of their personalities, I will just say Axl Rose, Paul Bowles/Charles Bukowski and Jesus. I am joking on the last one, it was more like Jesus Christ Superstar (aka nuts). I cannot fathom what is next.

5. More on the subject of love (clearly I am a bit tipsy) – I cannot tell you how good it feels to find something you love doing. For me, it’s writing. It’s the one thing that I would keep doing no matter if I sucked at it or not. Go figure, you really do end up pursuing the things that interest you as a kid.

6. Recently, my daughter interrogated me about all the drugs I’ve done in the past. I told her the truth. Time will only tell if this is going to come and bite me in the ass later. Seriously, I spend most of my days worrying about how not to fuck up my kid.

7. Speaking of messed up childhoods. My father has been married FOUR TIMES. Three out of four marriages were orchestrated by a Korean matchmaker. The odd marriage out was the one to my mother who passed away when I was a kid. Suffice to say, this has forever tainted my view on marriage and probably explains why I am skeptical about long term relationships in first place (and why I have been in and out of therapy).

8. And just in case having multiple step mothers doesn’t mess you up, having a paranoid schizophrenic mother who passes away when you are 7 years old will REALLY mess you up. I am not trying to be overly dramatic here, but the absence of a mother is something that has haunted me my whole life. I am at peace with it, but it’s still hard.

9. Despite my tumultuous childhood, I’m not sorry it was the way it was. I’ve learned to be tolerant and compassionate because of it.

10. I am the eternal optimist. There are people who dub me Suzy Sunshine and Pollyanna. I think that this is an accurate description.

11. There are also people who would call me Debbie Downer and Bossy Bitch. I also think that this is an accurate description.

12. I am not religious in the least. However, I really respect religion and those who are religious. In fact, as I get older I become more and more tolerant. I used to equate religion with right wing conservative wackos, but I now realize that there are wackos on both sides of the fence.

13. I am fascinated by people who meet through online dating. I have never tried it but I just love the thought of people who send a little electronic wishes into the universe. And then, lo and behold the universe answers back! I know of three such unions and all three couples are sweetie pies and for the most part, happy as clams.

14. People might describe me as confident but it is just the opposite. I am incredibly self effacing and insecure. Perhaps it’s the Aries trait that dominates and gives people a false impression of me. Or maybe it’s my clumsy and awkward social interactions that are mistaken for aloofness and confidence.

15. Speaking of social interactions, I generally can shoot the shit with just about anyone. I know just enough random things to start a conversation with most folks – or as my friend Rene puts it, “I’m a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock and roll.” Or maybe that was Donny and Marie.

16. People are naturally inclined to tell me intimate things about themselves. Seriously, just ask my daughter. She has been witness to strangers talking my ear off and telling me about their gout condition. This is something that I call a “misplaced gift” from God.

17. I love Bill Clinton. Sure, he cheated on Hillary with that Monica Lewinsky and played the saxophone on Arsenio Hall and gave a Presidential pardon to all his crooked friends at the last minute and called Barack the biggest fairytale on this side of the Ozarks. But I can’t help it. He’s Bubba. I love Bubba.

18. I plan on taking a culinary road trip across America. Beignets at Cafe Du Monde. Biscuits and Red Eye Gravy in Tennessee. Kansas City BBQ. Pizza in Brooklyn. I’m kinda waiting for a super efficient hybrid car to hit the market before I go out and do this though. But I can’t wait.

19. I believe that if everyone makes small incremental changes in their lives, we can collectively have a big impact on the world.

20. I will be 35 next month. This does not bother me at all. Actually, I am really looking forward to the next 35 years. The first 35 were fraught with experiences that made me painfully self aware of my own inadequacies. This probably won’t change, I’ll just care less. And God willing, I will know just a bit better.

21. I sometimes have lottery fantasies. Sadly, all my lottery fantasies involve spending the money on social causes or traveling and not on Bentleys and Cristal. I wish I could just let go and be the type of person who wants to roll around in their new found fortune and be waited on by hot Brazilian pool boys who serve you frozen drinks at your beck and call.

22. I used to think all that “follow your bliss” crap was just self help garbage. Now my stance has softened a bit. I think that if something helps you to realize a little happiness in this world, then who am I to judge? Go ahead and say your self-affirmations! Let’s make some vision boards! Here’s to chanting in Sanskrit while doing a downward facing dog pose! Whatever works. Just get out there and do stuff you love. Love begets love, baby.

23. I only blog about 2% of the things that I do in life. The rest of the time is spent laughing at the funny things that pop into my head and of course, sleeping. I am quite ordinary and not that interesting.

24. I am painfully shy and intensely private about most things. This probably manifests itself as me starting a conversation that asks about you. I’d much rather talk about YOU than me. It’s a self defense mechanism which may be mistaken as #14, but really it’s a preemptive strike against the conversation migrating back to me.

25. This list took way longer than I thought it would. Consequently, the 3 bourbon buzz is now gone and I am thirsty.

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