The Things We Do

February 23rd, 2009

Note:  I am going to have to post my weight loss stats this evening. I was having too much fun this weekend. : )

Over the years I have tried a bevy of things in the name of beauty that range from cringe inducing (Sun-in to lighten my hair) to medieval torture (cramming my wide feet into pointy toed high heels). However, nothing tops what I’ve done in the name of weight loss.  Eat only meat? Check. Cabbage soup? Check.  2 shakes a day? Sure.  Starvation? Absolutely. The thing that tops the list of  “ridiculous things I did to lose weight” was my vanity caving into something called “Suddenly Slimmer.”

Now, I consider myself a fairly intelligent person.  But from time to time, my rationale self leaves my body and I end up succumbing to the masses just like everyone else. A couple of years ago I was watching a show like Access Hollywood or E.T. and I saw this piece on a slimming body wrap treatment called “Suddenly Slimmer.” It claimed that Ellen Degeneres (She did it before hosting the Oscars!) and Tyra Banks (Newly svelte!) SWORE by it. Lose inches in an hour! Guaranteed! I immediately called the BFF up and told her that we needed to try it. She was game.

On the morning of our joint appointment, Rene and I were giddy with anticipation of being “suddenly slimmer.” Our expectations started to dim when we realized that our local Suddenly Slimmer outlet was in a suburban office building – far from the spa like setting of the one in Los Angeles.

Let me digress for a second to explain what the treatment is:

Lipase Body Wraps are performed in two stages back to back. These wraps are performed on patrons that have already received one of our exclusive SlenderTone™ mineral body wraps.

Step 1: Patrons are wrapped with ace bandages soaked in an enzyme solution called “LIPASE”. Lipase is an enzyme that helps to break down fat (lipo).
The patron is in this wrap for 45 minutes. Within this 45 minutes, we encourage light exercising, in order to promote circulation of the lipase solution throughout the body. Then, the patron is unwrapped.

Step 2: Patrons are then wrapped a second time with bandages soaked in the SlenderTone™ mineral solution. This is another 30-60 minute wrap. Again, light exercise is encouraged to promote an even greater inch loss. After the 30-60 minutes, the patron is unwrapped.

As glamorous as that sounds, they basically make you stand in a plastic tub in your cotton underwear while a technician measures your body at 10ish different points (so she can compare your pre and post stats). Then the “wrapping” part commences and you are basically mummified in “mineral” soaked ace bandages from the head to toe.

After the tech finishes, she takes 4 plastic turkey roasting bags and rubber bands them to your feet and hands. You are then lead to the group “waiting room” down the hallway (yes, you walk down the hallway like this) where there is a television, two Tony Little Gazelles and something that supposed to vibrate the fat out of you. You are expected to “lightly” exercise or get the fat beat out of you for 90 minutes while getting basted (yes, I said “basted”) with mineral solution at 30 minute internvals.

I can’t even describe to you what two short Asian women look like wrapped in soaking wet ace bandages with turkey bags rubber banded to their hands and feet while exercising on a Tony Little Gazelle looks like. It is not pretty.

Did we lose inches? Yes.

Did we gain them back the next day? Yes.

How much did it cost? $125

Memories Gained? Priceless.

Here’s what my dieting cohorts had to say about their most ridiculous weight loss shenanigans:

Nurit:

” The craziest things I have done – which maybe are not really that crazy? – involve clothes. How shallow is that?!” read more at 1 family. Friendly. food.(http://www.familyfriendlyfood.com/

Sunny:

“I guess the craziest thing I’ve done for weight loss was the Atkins Diet.  Since when is it ok to eat large amounts of bacon, hot dogs, and steak, but fruit… no you can’t eat any fruit… that will make you gain weight!!”  keep reading at www.ThatExtra20Pounds.blogspot.com

Joie de Vivre:

“The craziest thing I have ever done is to assume that eating the same way time and time again would not give me the same results.”  to read more click Joie de vivre:  An amateur gourmet’s guide.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 23rd, 2009 at 8:42 am and is filed under Daily. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.