The Things We Do
Note: I am going to have to post my weight loss stats this evening. I was having too much fun this weekend. : )
Over the years I have tried a bevy of things in the name of beauty that range from cringe inducing (Sun-in to lighten my hair) to medieval torture (cramming my wide feet into pointy toed high heels). However, nothing tops what I’ve done in the name of weight loss. Eat only meat? Check. Cabbage soup? Check. 2 shakes a day? Sure. Starvation? Absolutely. The thing that tops the list of “ridiculous things I did to lose weight” was my vanity caving into something called “Suddenly Slimmer.”
Now, I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. But from time to time, my rationale self leaves my body and I end up succumbing to the masses just like everyone else. A couple of years ago I was watching a show like Access Hollywood or E.T. and I saw this piece on a slimming body wrap treatment called “Suddenly Slimmer.” It claimed that Ellen Degeneres (She did it before hosting the Oscars!) and Tyra Banks (Newly svelte!) SWORE by it. Lose inches in an hour! Guaranteed! I immediately called the BFF up and told her that we needed to try it. She was game.
On the morning of our joint appointment, Rene and I were giddy with anticipation of being “suddenly slimmer.” Our expectations started to dim when we realized that our local Suddenly Slimmer outlet was in a suburban office building – far from the spa like setting of the one in Los Angeles.
Let me digress for a second to explain what the treatment is:
Lipase Body Wraps are performed in two stages back to back. These wraps are performed on patrons that have already received one of our exclusive SlenderTone™ mineral body wraps.
Step 1: Patrons are wrapped with ace bandages soaked in an enzyme solution called “LIPASE”. Lipase is an enzyme that helps to break down fat (lipo).
The patron is in this wrap for 45 minutes. Within this 45 minutes, we encourage light exercising, in order to promote circulation of the lipase solution throughout the body. Then, the patron is unwrapped.Step 2: Patrons are then wrapped a second time with bandages soaked in the SlenderTone™ mineral solution. This is another 30-60 minute wrap. Again, light exercise is encouraged to promote an even greater inch loss. After the 30-60 minutes, the patron is unwrapped.
As glamorous as that sounds, they basically make you stand in a plastic tub in your cotton underwear while a technician measures your body at 10ish different points (so she can compare your pre and post stats). Then the “wrapping” part commences and you are basically mummified in “mineral” soaked ace bandages from the head to toe.
After the tech finishes, she takes 4 plastic turkey roasting bags and rubber bands them to your feet and hands. You are then lead to the group “waiting room” down the hallway (yes, you walk down the hallway like this) where there is a television, two Tony Little Gazelles and something that supposed to vibrate the fat out of you. You are expected to “lightly” exercise or get the fat beat out of you for 90 minutes while getting basted (yes, I said “basted”) with mineral solution at 30 minute internvals.
I can’t even describe to you what two short Asian women look like wrapped in soaking wet ace bandages with turkey bags rubber banded to their hands and feet while exercising on a Tony Little Gazelle looks like. It is not pretty.
Did we lose inches? Yes.
Did we gain them back the next day? Yes.
How much did it cost? $125
Memories Gained? Priceless.
Here’s what my dieting cohorts had to say about their most ridiculous weight loss shenanigans:
Nurit:
” The craziest things I have done – which maybe are not really that crazy? – involve clothes. How shallow is that?!” read more at 1 family. Friendly. food.(http://www.familyfriendlyfood.com/
Sunny:
“I guess the craziest thing I’ve done for weight loss was the Atkins Diet. Since when is it ok to eat large amounts of bacon, hot dogs, and steak, but fruit… no you can’t eat any fruit… that will make you gain weight!!” keep reading at www.ThatExtra20Pounds.blogspot.com
Joie de Vivre:
“The craziest thing I have ever done is to assume that eating the same way time and time again would not give me the same results.” to read more click Joie de vivre: An amateur gourmet’s guide.
This entry was posted on Monday, February 23rd, 2009 at 8:42 am and is filed under Daily. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
17 Responses to “The Things We Do”
Shameless!
In the interest of full disclosure, please note that product links redirecting you to other sites such as Amazon
, BlueHost, Freshbooks and OpenSky may take you a purchase page of a company where I am a member of an affiliate program. As a result, I will often get a small percentage of the revenue or a commission off of something you have purchased. I am not otherwise paid to link to these sites, nor do I link to any products that I don't actually use or covet in real life. On the rare occasion I accept payment to review a product, it will be duly noted in its associated post.
Have no fear - you are under no obligation to buy anything to get the full enjoyment of this site. We can still be friends even if you never click on an affiliate link. Rest assured, this is all low pressure. I will never show up at your door with tiny vials of Avon perfume or trial jars of pearl cream to entice you. That said, I do truly appreciate when you do purchase something from a linked site - it all helps to keep the lights on and a roof over our heads.
And Powered By
And Kept Organized By
I still love that cabbage soup!
theantijared´s last blog post..Well, all the cool bloggers are doing it!!! Why can’t I!
Oh Giyen,
I totally understand, yet this is so funny. I read in Vogue a few months ago about this procedure where you basically get hooked up to mild electricity to contract your muscles. It’s like exercise without the work. You’re supposed to lose inches and get muscle tone. I had that momentary thought in my head, “Yes, this could be the answer.” Crazy, I know.
Joie de vivre´s last blog post..Weight Loss Weekly
Wow. I’m… speechless.
Nurit -1 Family. Friendly. Food.´s last blog post..Weight Loss Weekly: The most ridiculous thing I’ve done
I love it! No-one could ever say that you didn’t try
Berni´s last blog post..Support Team
What would really be priceless is to see a photo of you two like that … or a video of you guys walking down that hallway!
Oh this is so funny. It sounds similar to something my aunt tried, only they wrapped her in saran wrap.
That’s a good way to make a girl feel hot, dress her up like leftover pork roast.
Kaycee´s last blog post..Procrastination
Wow–that’s hilarious!
Asianmommy´s last blog post..Miss Weather
Thanks for sharing. I always wondered how long the results of those wraps would last. They always look so nice in the pictures!
Hilarious! I’ve tried so many crazy things and had I heard of this one, might have tried it too. The earliest plan I can remember is the summer I was 15 and most of my meals consisted of Twinkies. (I did lose weight.) I also spent months, off and on, wrapping my stomach in Syran wrap and biking for miles throughout most of my teens. And that was just the beginning. Now, in my 40s, I try to eat sensibly (although occasionally too much) and I do try to exercise (although occasionally too little). Thanks for the laugh!
Charlene´s last blog post..The cost of being fat
My ‘waste of money lose weight’ scheme was paying Curves $100 and then $40 a month to work out with them for a years contract. Yeah, doing the same machines day in day out is a tad boring. Big time.
The only time in memory I ever lost weight intentionally was when I would walk 5 times a week when my son was little. I was bored out of my mind and had to get out of the house. The only way out was UP!
There you go. I am going to market this and become famous
Strap a 25 lb weight to a stroller and do hills. Hey, this may work!! 
Ohhh thank you SO much for doing the body wrap so I don’t have to… I have been hearing commercials for it on the radio and every time, I get a little tempted, and then knock my head on the steering wheel, saying DON’T DO IT. So I appreciate the hilarious blow-by-blow. A LOT. Thanks for doing it so I won’t have to!
foodie mcbody´s last blog post..Watching, Again
Reading this post nearly resulted in the waking of spouse & child due to laughing-out-loudness…been following & enjoying blog since beginning of January!
Same here! That was hilarious!
jane´s last blog post..Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You…
best article I read about this yet!