Coming Clean
The funny thing about losing weight this time around is that I now realize that it’s not about losing weight at all. It’s about self-worth and love. Knowing that you are worthy of achieving whatever your mind can manifest and loving yourself enough to take steps towards making it happen.
I took some time over the weekend to take inventory in all the things that I felt were wrong with my life. Actually, it all got started when I couldn’t find the battery charger for my camera (note no picture this week). I looked in the junk drawer, in the kitchen, under the couch – EVERYWHERE. I wasted an entire afternoon looking for it (still can’t find it) and came to the conclusion that my disorganized house is a reflection of my life – in disarray.
Though I have a lot of things that I am grateful for these days, I always have this nagging feeling that I am just shy of living the best version of my life. I feel good, but I want to feel great. My life is rich, but I want it to be extraordinary. It’s not that I am dissatisfied, but I know that things could be better. They should be better.
Instead of feeling down about it or like things were out of control, I decided to accept the situation for what it was and move on. I made a list of the things that I felt were really bothering me about my life:
- My home (which should be a sanctuary) is terribly uninspired. In fact, it has become that house on the block.
- My financial situation is messy – $22,000 in debt from credit cards and personal/auto loans. This does not feel good.
- Though I have friends, I sometimes feel lonely or without purpose.
- I am tired of supporting myself by working in a career that I am not passionate about.
- I am not in optimal health.
And most remarkably, instead of the 100 things that I pretend like there are, I could barely think of 5 things. Seriously, that’s all that I could think of.
Conquering this list seems completely doable. In fact it seems downright easy in comparison to things that are really hard like solving the climate crisis or figuring out how to bring medical care to rural areas of Africa. The last 3 items don’t even need any money, just resolve!
What it comes down to though, is that Ive been focusing on everything else but those goals. I’ve been a classic martyr and used to pride myself on the things that I would do for other people. Of course, I would then turn around and chide myself for not fixing the things that bothered me. But as long as everyone else was happy, I felt smug about it all. It’s really actually embarrassing to think about.
Over the weekend, I am happy to report that I spent two whole days cleaning my house purging the things that I have no use for. As a result, two trunkful of things went straight to goodwill. I already feel lighter. And actually, I am lighter … down a pound from last week. Maybe it wasn’t the most dramatic weight loss, but if you include the miscellaneous stuff I just got rid of, I actually lost 75 lbs.
Who knew that coming clean would make my spirit lighter?
Now if I could only find my battery charger …
This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 at 9:10 pm and is filed under Milestones, Weight Loss, Weight Updates. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
16 Responses to “Coming Clean”
Shameless!
In the interest of full disclosure, please note that product links redirecting you to other sites such as Amazon
, BlueHost, Freshbooks and OpenSky may take you a purchase page of a company where I am a member of an affiliate program. As a result, I will often get a small percentage of the revenue or a commission off of something you have purchased. I am not otherwise paid to link to these sites, nor do I link to any products that I don't actually use or covet in real life. On the rare occasion I accept payment to review a product, it will be duly noted in its associated post.
Have no fear - you are under no obligation to buy anything to get the full enjoyment of this site. We can still be friends even if you never click on an affiliate link. Rest assured, this is all low pressure. I will never show up at your door with tiny vials of Avon perfume or trial jars of pearl cream to entice you. That said, I do truly appreciate when you do purchase something from a linked site - it all helps to keep the lights on and a roof over our heads.
And Powered By
And Kept Organized By
Yeah, uh, not sure you are supposed to include the purged household items in your personal weight loss but I’m willing to follow suit if it works for you! I mean’t to reply to you a while ago when you posted about depression. We are so different but in some ways, so very alike. Depression, mothers with skitzophrenia, journeys with weight loss..just wanted to say I feel a wee connection with you and love reading your blog.
You have inspired me to sit down and do something fairly similar to your list AND get my clutter out the door.
Down a pound is great! Weight loss is all about loving yourself!
Please try not to be so hard on yourself. We all do it and yet we have so much to be grateful for. I also wanted to tell you that I am very grateful for your site. Your words have given me encouragement so many times and now I hope my words can give some back to you =) We’re about the same size, height and age…..so let me tell you we’re in the same ball park =)
My Mom is Bipolar and I know how that has affected me as well.
Hang in there….we’ll get through this!
There’s a book called something like “Does this Clutter Make My But Look Fat?” I haven’t read it, but I don’t think it’s a crazy hypothesis that the two can be related. Before everyone jumps all over me, LET ME BE CLEAR: I’m not saying that everyone who has a cluttered home has weight issues, nor vice versa. But I can definitely say that when I’m in a better place with my health and weight, my apartment is tidier, too, so maybe the author is on to something…
Also, I meant to say that you are awesome. You should be really proud of yourself for everything you’ve done to make your life spectacular. In addition to giving yourself the life you deserve, you’re an amazing role model for Paige.
Congratulations on being a pound down. A pound down is better than a pound up! It seems that everyone was doing spring cleaning this weekend. Is it because Memorial Day is the “official” start of summer, so you have to get your spring cleaning done before Tuesday starts? I also took a ton of stuff to the Salvation Army (no Goodwills around here) and it felt good to get rid of shoes and purses I bought and never used. A financial waste for me, but a cheap gift for someone else.
Good luck!
Laura´s last blog post..iReport
This is bizarre. I came to the same conclusion last week. Everything is in disarray and I began to feel claustrophobic. I even started a blog post on it titled ‘On Organizing my Life’ and ended up writing stream-of-consciously and not writing a damn thing about orgnanizing. Even my blogging is disorganized!
This weekend coming up is my time to get shit done. So well done for doing this! I’m inspired. Time to get back on track.
AmandaBlogandKiss´s last blog post..He may not be the guy for you.
In regards to what Susie said – I was just reading something online yesterday about how the correlation between clutter (in our mind, in our home, and in our life) can relate to the same feelings of lack of control and being overwhelmed as when feeling overweight. Like the probem is so big, we don’t even know where to begin to chip away at it.
The first step is def to break it down into more manageable bits – like you did with the list! and you see, you were able to tackle one whole item and get it off you list! That’s fantastic!!
here’s the link to what i read – it’s kind of inspiring (and they do mention the book):
http://caloriecount.about.com/living-lightly-b305003
Awesome post. I am so glad I stalk you.
Oh, I so know what you’re talking about. You should see my house…it’s been a disaster for a couple of years now. And now that I am starting to feel like I’m coming out of my funk, I suddenly have this urge to purge, to clean, to tidy and organize. Glad you lost a pound!! Keep on keepin’ on!
Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog post..Whistle While You Toot
Yups, I can see paige in u in that pic for sure!!
Your list of five is my list of five! Although recently we’ve done a good job of shedding the debt (only student loans at this point) my finances are still a little, disorganized and overwhelming. I am with you on the weight loss philosophy… I am pretty uninspired with my career and working at a slow weight loss (about a year ago I started and I’ve lost about 16 pounds-not the pace I hoped for, but I’ll take it.) The weight/fitness obsession for me is about control over something, anything in my life. Since having kids (hell since being married even) I have slowly relinquished control (well marriage is shared control I suppose) of just about all aspects of my life. That is very disturbing for someone who leans toward control freak. The one thing I thought I needed to control to prove to myself that I can, is the weight. Still proving it
Anyway, I’ve been checking in on you every once in a while and just wanted you to know I think you are great! Keep up all the sharing, it makes me feel a little more sane, as I am not the only one who is worrying about the things I worry about. Sanctuary schmanctuary. My house is never clean, never completely decorated, never what I want it to look like/feel like when I walk in the door. If I could just get my husband to put away his: dirty dishes, dirty socks, clean clothes, tools, ……… 
I absolutely love your blog. Your frankness always cuts right to the heart of things, and I always feel so encouraged by your writing. Thanks!
As for #2 – charitable donations are tax deductible
I share your #2 and #4. And I’m resolving to do something about them. Thanks for being so open.
.-= robyn´s last blog ..Eeeeeek! =-.