Sex & The Single Mom
Oh be-jesus. Why do I overshare? Did I really say that?
Okay, in the latest Momversation video Daphne from Cool Mom asks, “Is Your Mom-self Overtaking Your Sexual-self?”
My answer?
YES.
YES.
YES.
First of all … there’s a lot edited out of each video. There’s probably 30 minutes of footage that gets left on the production floor – never to see the light of day. Just so you know (a.k.a. damage control), Daphne mentioned that she had a single-mom friend who hasn’t had sex in 4 years offline. I retorted, “I am that single mother who hasn’t had sex in 4 years!” So I wasn’t quite having a random outburst about my sex life … there was actually some dialog about it that got edited out.
THAT SAID. It has been a long time. Maybe not 4 years, but a long, long time. And it’s true. I do feel like that sexy part of me is lost. And sometimes I feel completely pathetic about it. And not even pointy shoes can fill the void of actually feeling sexy because you are having sex. It’s awfully lonely sometimes.
Then again, these days I am a bit less cavalier about having sex. You could almost say that I am re-virginized like a born-again Christian or a Jonas Brother who is abstaining from sex because of their values. Maybe I should get one of those purity rings. Oh God. Please strike me down right now.
The truth is is that I just can’t find a partner. I am not meeting anyone that I am interested in having dinner with so I really can’t imagine finding someone that I want to get all sweaty and moany with. And honestly, having casual sex at age 35 doesn’t quite seem like who I am anymore. And I have nothing against casual sex. I was one of those people who had a lot of sex and then bragged about it to other people. If I was a SATC personality, I would have described myself to be a Samantha back in the day. Really. I swear to God. But clearly I have now morphed into a Charlotte (minus the religion) – it’s all about hope and love and happy endings.
Or maybe I’ve had all the sex one is supposed to have in their lifetime and therefore I have used up all of my credits in my twenties and early thirties. Good lord. I’ve used up my quota. That just can’t be right.
I just keep thinking that I am going to meet the guy who is going to blow my mind up and then it will be a done deal. That I won’t have to go through the bad date phase or the messiness. I’ve done that. If I have used up all my quota for sex, then I’ve also managed to use up my “bad date” quota too.
My plan now?
Meet guy. Live happily ever after. The end.
Something tells me it’s not quite going to be that easy.
Ugh. Shall we let the litany of bad date stories begin?
As if I wasn’t self-conscious enough.
Tags: asha dornfest, daphne brogdon, Dating, mindy roberts, momversation, sex
This entry was posted on Thursday, June 18th, 2009 at 7:55 pm and is filed under Daily, Dating, Midthirties Crisis. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
15 Responses to “Sex & The Single Mom”
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Well, you’ve put it out there. Let’s see what the universe gives ya!
Lynn (The Actors Diet)´s last blog post..Lynn – Womynwich
Hmmm here’s a bad date story to make you feel better about the decision to avoid dating…
There was this cute boy, he asked me to go on a date, I agreed happily. Then he suggested we climb trees. AT GREENLAKE in Seattle. I thought to myself, “well, he’s pretty, and funny, so this must be joke. Why not?” WRONG. If you were ever walking around Greenlake two summers ago and saw a woman looking absolutely baffled while some guy scrambled into the nearest tree above her, it was me. So much confusion.
Dating blows. I say wait it out as long as it takes.
Accidental Olympian´s last blog post..THE SMELL OF WET DOG
I follow your blog, but have never commented before. This post warrants a comment.
You hit it right on the head. After becoming a mom, I too feel like I have more ‘grown up’ feelings about sex. Don’t feel sexy, don’t get enough of it, but want it to be right if you do. I’m right with you girl.
Thanks for putting it out in the open. I think we all feel it.
Believe me, you can have a guy “at your disposal” (aka hubby) and feel so NOT sexy with not much sex. And it’s not always because I myself don’t feel sumptuous because of whatever internal reasons… But having two little girls arguing in the living room and a husband who’s passing gas at both ends who right after comes over saying things like, “C’mon baby, let’s go upstairs and pound it out” … well, it’s not exactly the right conditions to give the sexy mood a stir. Talk about losing that lovin’ feelin’
I have something similar to what “It’s all in the Mind” had to say. I’ve got the two kids running around getting into trouble, that lovely, bloated pregnant feeling, and my hubby can pick some of the worst times — like when I’m exhausted or ready to make food.
Here’s hoping you find a worthy partner sooner rather than later! Life seems a bit more tolerable with a companion either way.
My poor mother would kill me if she knew I was revealing this here… She didn’t date much (aka 1 boyfriend in 18 years) until I was in college. I’m pretty sure she went 10-12 years at least without sex. But the good news?? She also didn’t go through that bad date phase/messiness! She became friends with the single dad two houses over, finally let him take her out on a date, and now they live happily-ever-after. And all us kids no longer live at home.
I wish for her sake that had happened sooner, but she feels pretty okay with having waited for my step-dad.
Vibrators are so much less complication!
jasmine´s last blog post..The Rules
I would say NOT having sex is a bragging right in this age where one time having sex was a bragging right. You’ve done the right thing – saved yourself alot of anguish and high drama the last four years
yes, much is left on the editing room floor. I didn’t think it was shocking you said what you said. It’s the norm for a lot of people You are honest and real and that’s why people like you.
And too bad you aren’t in LA this Saturday. My husband is having a big roast at his restaurant. if you thought Bacon was your enemy!
Your blog rocks. It totally brings me happiness knowing that there are other single girls out there feeling the same way. Thing is – you have a kid as a partial excuse. I’m totally single, which sometimes makes it seem all the more tough to handle that I’m not having sex. But I agree with some of the above posters – it’s *so* much better to wait until you find someone who you dig rather than settling and then waking up in the middle of the night months later cringing, thinking “why the hell did I ever go out with THAT guy?!”. It’ll come eventually… for us all
Sex is highly overrated, in my humble opinion. When it’s right, it will happen. It’s just difficult to be patient and logical about it, I guess….
.-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..A Little Slice of Heaven on Earth =-.
So since you are looking for the real thing, why don’t you try eHarmony or something like that? I know a lot of people who have met someone special on eHarmony. I only know 2 couples that met on match.com and got/are getting married, but eHarmony seems to work for a lot of people.
While I can’t relate to the whole sex and being a mom, it was still interesting to watch you and the other blogger moms dish about the topic. Thanks for sharing, and come on — you have a blog, it’s never too much information!
For what it’s worth, I used to feel the same way – like it was just OVER. But I met the love of my life at 37 (just shy of 38). I don’t have kids, but he’s a single dad – the scheduling was tricky, but it’s been working great – and I’m now 41. Hang in there – all is not lost!
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