Archive for July, 2009
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Friday, July 31st, 2009
The other day I was going pee and I didn’t shut the door. Paige saw me and let out a huge gasp.
“MMOOOOMMMM!!!!”
You would have thought that I had committed some sort of crime in front of her. And perhaps I did [in her mind]. For a few seconds before covering her eyes, she saw the side profile of my lower half sans clothing, while on the toilet. Apparently, that’s enough to scar a teenager.
I got to thinking about that moment and why she was so freaked out about it and it donned on me … I WAS NEVER NAKED AROUND HER. EVER. I chalk it up to (a) being raised in a conservative Asian family (primarily by a single father) and (b) weird body/self-esteem issues but I never want to be seen in shorts, let alone nekkid. It’s just the way things were. (more…)
Tags: daphne brogdon, maggie mason, momversation, videos
Posted in Daily | 13 Comments »
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
There is nothing more scarier to me than hanging out with a group of people that I don’t know. Even more scarier is hanging out with a group of “WOMEN” that I don’t know.
As a kid, I never really got to observe the intricacies of relationships between women. I am inept. My biggest reference point to normal female relationship was being around my evil stepmother. Everyone knows that I am still cleaning up THAT mess.
Growing up I think I was a bit of a wreck when it came to dealing with girl friendships – torn between being liked and being myself. It didn’t help that I was Asian and everyone else was not. I could never quite get my coarse hair to feather the right way or get my bangs high enough. Blue eyeshadow is still my nememsis.
Since then, I’ve been a bumbling mess when it comes to being around a group of people that I don’t know. Much to people’s surprise, I am incredibly shy around new people. I just clam up and have absolutely nothing interesting or witty to say until WAY later – like two days later. Everyone always seems so much smarter and funnier and cleverer than I do.
Imagining going to event like this past weekend’s BlogHer Conference absolutely terrifies me. The thought of being around such big crowds of women makes me want to dig a hole in the ground and stick my head in it. Don’t get me wrong, I really want to go someday. And the lure of New York City in 2010 is definitely intriguing. But man, I think I’ll need to pack up the anti-anxiety pills, incense and candles in order to get through the weekend. 10 girls is one thing, but 1,600 sounds like madness.
This past Saturday, I went to a regional BowlHer party. I just barely knew a few people there. It was blazing hot over that day and I forgot to wear deodorant. This was a huge “NO-NO” especially when you are sweating already because it’s sweltering outside. I spent the whole evening thinking that my makeup was melting off my face and that I was stinky.
Happily though, everyone there was incredibly nice and for once in my life, I felt like “Wow!” I am part of a group! A group of bloggers! How awesome is that! Just the fact that I didn’t have to spend 20 minutes explaining what a blog to people that I just met was revolutionary.
Posted in Daily | 11 Comments »
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
For someone who has battled with weight issues all of her life, it’s always a sobering day when you realize that you’ve fallen off the wagon.
I have fallen off the wagon. I am off the tracks. Derailed. I know you know what I mean.
I started out this journey at 192 pounds and managed to get 1 pound shy of 170. This morning’s scale says 179. If you haven’t noticed, this is not heading in the right direction.
As a writer with a slightly elevated online presence, I tend to get a lot of emails from people that are trying to get me to promote their wares. As a general rule, I tend to shy away from product promotion with a few exceptions. (There is no self-righteous indignation in my decision-making of what gets selected and what doesn’t … I just go with a gut feeling and then shake my Magic 8 Ball.)
I bring this up because recently I received an email from a representative for a pharmaceutical company offering to “answer any questions” about the new obesity pill headed for FDA approval. Apparently the trials have been shown to be effective, with an average 17 lbs. weight loss per participant.
Who knows exactly what the intention was, but I have a hunch. Suffice to say, I found myself getting really excited about it. Like somehow the pill fairy was going to rain down TicTac flavored diet pills like Manna and magically make me drop 20 lbs in a hurry. I found myself fighting the urge to say, “MY QUESTION IS HOW DO I GET SOME BEFORE FDA APPROVAL??”
But then I stopped myself.
Everything I’ve learned through this journey is that the excess weight is not about the weight at all. For me, it’s about something more insideous like self-esteem issues or depression or the fact that I have boughts of insomnia that often derail my efforts to do things normally. Weight loss (for me) is about a lot of things that have nothing to do with calories in/calories out. There aren’t any pills that are going to help me with those things. I’ve tried them. They don’t work for me (but they could/do work for other people).
So where does this leave me?
Exactly where I was at the beginning of the year … trying to lose weight by leaning into lifestyle changes. It’s not a race. It’s a marathon.
And with most things in my life, a very, very slow moving one.
PS. Photo update on the way.
Posted in Daily, Weight Loss, Weight Updates | 16 Comments »
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