Off The Tracks

July 28th, 2009

For someone who has battled with weight issues all of her life, it’s always a sobering day when you realize that you’ve fallen off the wagon.

I have fallen off the wagon. I am off the tracks. Derailed. I know you know what I mean.

I started out this journey at 192 pounds and managed to get 1 pound shy of 170. This morning’s scale says 179. If you haven’t noticed, this is not heading in the right direction.

As a writer with a slightly elevated online presence, I tend to get a lot of emails from people that are trying to get me to promote their wares. As a general rule, I tend to shy away from product promotion with a few exceptions. (There is no self-righteous indignation in my decision-making of what gets selected and what doesn’t … I just go with a gut feeling and then shake my Magic 8 Ball.)

I bring this up because recently I received an email from a representative for a pharmaceutical company offering to “answer any questions” about the new obesity pill headed for FDA approval. Apparently the trials have been shown to be effective, with an average 17 lbs. weight loss per participant.

Who knows exactly what the intention was, but I have a hunch. Suffice to say, I found myself getting really excited about it. Like somehow the pill fairy was going to rain down TicTac flavored diet pills like Manna and magically make me drop 20 lbs in a hurry. I found myself fighting the urge to say, “MY QUESTION IS HOW DO I GET SOME BEFORE FDA APPROVAL??”

But then I stopped myself.

Everything I’ve learned through this journey is that the excess weight is not about the weight at all. For me, it’s about something more insideous like self-esteem issues or depression or the fact that I have boughts of insomnia that often derail my efforts to do things normally. Weight loss (for me) is about a lot of things that have nothing to do with calories in/calories out.  There aren’t any pills that are going to help me with those things. I’ve tried them. They don’t work for me (but they could/do work for other people).

So where does this leave me?

Exactly where I was at the beginning of the year … trying to lose weight by leaning into lifestyle changes. It’s not a race. It’s a marathon.

And with most things in my life, a very, very slow moving one.

PS. Photo update on the way.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 28th, 2009 at 12:59 pm and is filed under Daily, Weight Loss, Weight Updates. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

16 Responses to “Off The Tracks”

  1. Alexi Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Life can be discouraging sometimes, but on the other hand I think how some people respond to these discouragements are really inspiring =).

  2. martha Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    de-lurking to say that you are full of self-respect and awesome and win.

  3. Christine Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    I’ve just started following your blog and wanted to tell you how I lost 10 pounds a few years ago by changing my eating habits using the Canada Food Guide
    http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/food-guide-aliment/basics-base/index-eng.php

    I wish I could lose 10 more, but what I learned is that it’s all about portion control (serving sizes) and eating healthy foods. It’s more of a lifestyle change forever. It may help if you see a nutritionist/dietician to get you on the right track.

    Good luck, and you have a wonderful blog.

  4. Liz Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    I feel your pain. Just climb back on the wagon and keep on trucking. Like my yoga teacher says, don’t make a big story around it- just stay in the moment- one breath at a time. You can do it! I am cheering you on.
    Liz´s last blog ..Summer Vacation: Day 28 My ComLuv Profile

  5. theantijared Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    What you wrote is the toughest pill to swallow.

    Going off the tracks does not mean the train stops, it just needs to be steered back.

    Oh, and Troop and Guy are coming on a reunion tour!

  6. Vangie (A Woman and Her Camera) Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    What a great reminder: it’s not a race, it’s a marathon!!!
    Vangie (A Woman and Her Camera)´s last blog ..jessi :: 17 My ComLuv Profile

  7. Asianmommy Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    Don’t forget that you’ve still made great progress overall.
    Asianmommy´s last blog ..Asian American Bloggers at BlogHer ‘09 My ComLuv Profile

  8. It's All in the Mind Says:

    July 28th, 2009 at 11:12 pm

    Good for you for 1) being so honest and 2) for not giving in to the “easy way out” (aka pill) that ends up being a lie or short fix anyway. I’ve been a diet pill fanatic in the past and although it worked for a short run, diet pills ended up making me fatter and did a number on my liver and metabolism.

    You are absolutely right — it’s all about your frame of mind and being. Maybe a new direction is needed … in daily habit, eating (like stop restricting things you enjoy … just enjoy them in moderation while throwing in lots of salad or veggies), exercise, lifestyle, sleeping habits, psychological … whatever — only you really know where that direction needs to turn. Are you stressing a lot these days (more than usual)? Insomnia is a big weight monger (I definitely am victim to this too).

    And what other promoters are tugging at you these days? Keep away from the “miracle pills” and maybe consider some of the exercise programs that come your way. Yoga? Pilates? Kickboxing (you can pretend to kick the ass outta particular folk … so that may be very fun). Or a mix of things to jazz it up so that you won’t get bored. Maybe go biking or hiking with Paige or friends on a regular basis while the weather is nice. Maybe with the money you’d usually spend on eating out, spend it on a personal trainer.

    I dunno … but I know this — YOU CAN DO IT ALL THE WAY! So you get derailed here and there. Take deep breaths, take a soothing bath, and simply refocus that strong mind of yours. Because HONEY – YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH IN YOU. Who cares if it ends up taking longer than you wanted. The journey is tough and long (like you said, a marathon) … but it is attainable.

  9. Olivia Says:

    July 29th, 2009 at 12:41 am

    I know exactly how you feel, at times like this it seems like losing weight can be as difficult and frustrating as attempting to relocate a mountain with your bare hands and no one’s really trying to help. Actually, maybe a mountain is exargerating… it’s more like a grassy hill. Still, can you see how that would be a bitch to move? Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyway, and I know this is going to sound Oprahish, but tomorrow is another day and it gives you a nice, fresh start-over-again.

    If I could give you any advice it would be that when you feel yourself falling off the wagon, cut back on the food and check yourself. Falling off the wagon doesn’t mean you have to gain any weight back next time… you can just plateau for a few days and no harm done =].

    Can’t wait to see how your progress continues next week! I’m sure you’ll have it turned around.

    P.S.(Smart move, saying no to those diet pills!)

  10. Cara Says:

    July 29th, 2009 at 1:38 am

    Hang in there! The yo-yo is a rough ride and unfortunately is almost never ending. Just try to keep your head up and remember your readers will cheer you on when you lose but ALSO when you gain because your honesty is refreshing!

  11. Meredith Says:

    July 29th, 2009 at 4:35 am

    I recall you said this was the year of “yes.” Can you get back on that wagon and reset the train on the tracks? Yes you can! I even bit Obama’s slogan a bit there. ;)

  12. Christy St. Christy Says:

    July 29th, 2009 at 9:48 am

    I feel your pain; it’s like the second you eat “normal” the weight creeps back up. And normal for me is bread, and ice cream, and french fries. Sigh….

    I am the type of person that needs quick results in order to stay motivated, being confused by The Biggest Loser and people who drop 70 lbs in the first week of a diet. What I have learned is that when you get closer to your goal, it comes over insanely slower than when you first started losing weight.

    My one suggestion, and I am in no way affiliated with the program, is P90x. It’s extreme, but you burn 600 calories in a matter of one hour. It’s hard core and actually addicting.

    I love reading your blog, by the way.

  13. maggie Says:

    July 29th, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    Stick to it, try not to get discouraged. I’m a doc and I spend a lot of time encouraging people to lose weight and a marathon is exactly what it is, except it’s more of a hypermarathon, or even more. There are lots of plateaus and dips and peaks and whatever but it is possible. the more you get mad at yourself, though, the more miserable you get, eh? You do what you can.

  14. Amelie Says:

    July 30th, 2009 at 6:57 am

    If you’re healthy, the number of pounds you weigh is secondary.

    Also remember the last time they said a pill would help lose weight? It made you shit out grease. (Thanks Alli!)

    I remain skeptical.

  15. Aimee Greeblemonkey Says:

    July 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    you can do it babes.
    Aimee Greeblemonkey´s last blog ..The Jokers My ComLuv Profile

  16. Shayne Says:

    July 31st, 2009 at 11:35 am

    At least you didn’t break the wagon…

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