Being a child who is estranged from her father and whose mother died early on in life, I often look upon other people to be my role models. One might expect that I would seek guidance from my older brother and sister, but regrettably I do not. Unlike other families, our shared childhood did not mold us in similar ways. We did not land in the same place as adults and as such, our differences distanced us. It was not intentional. But it is how, with the passing of time, things have panned out thus far.
So here I am. An orphan by tragedy and by choice. I would be lying if I said that this has not been a primary catalyst for my depressive episodes over the first three and a half decades of my life. It still is, even today, a source of great sadness for me. But I manage.
In order to compensate for my lack of familial relationships, I have surrounded myself with literal and figurative surrogates. They are sometimes people that I know in real life – my friends Chuck and Teresa are a couple people that come to mind right off the bat. Other surrogates however, materializes out of someone that I do not know at all – if you know me, you probably know my fondness for a handful of political figures and the Dalai Lama. I completely look up to them as well.
This Saturday with tissue in hand and tears streaming down my face, I watched the funeral mass for Senator Edward Kennedy. It was emotional on many levels – much of which I will save for the therapy chair later in life. His death (or really anyone’s death) rekindled my feelings regarding the passing of my Aunt and Uncle last spring.
What it comes down to is that I feel shameful about letting so much time past without visiting them. I know that it’s natural that after the death of a loved one you work through all of the “I should haves” and then let them settle in. I know this. But it always begs the questions: “Is this the type of person that I want to be? The one that can’t find the time? The one that focused their efforts on all of the wrong things? The one that did things that didn’t matter?”
No. That is not who I want to be. I don’t think any of us want to be that person. Yet so many of us find ourselves in that very situation.
A word that has been creeping up in my consciousness lately is: LEGACY. Over the past couple of days, much has been made of Senator Kennedy’s legacy as a statesman. He was, they say, “the greatest legislator of our time.” Looking at all of his accomplishmentsis overwhelming and inspiring.
However, for me the most compelling thing about Kennedy was that despite living through personal failings in the most public way possible and through the enormous burden of the Kennedy legacy, he persevered when many would have retreated. As he once said, “…[I]ndividual faults and frailties are no excuse to give in — and no exemption from the common obligation to give of ourselves.” I find this characteristic about him particularly inspiring. There are times that I feel my faults in life are tragically “epic” and it is nice to be reminded that we can all move on.
We must move on.
President Obama was particularly eloquent in his eulogy of the Senator, my favorite quote being:
“What we can do is to live out our lives as best we can with purpose, and with love, and with joy. We can use each day to show those who are closest to us how much we care about them, and treat others with the kindness and respect that we wish for ourselves. We can learn from our mistakes and grow from our failures. And we can strive at all costs to make a better world, so that someday, if we are blessed with the chance to look back on our time here, we know that we spent it well; that we made a difference; that our fleeting presence had a lasting impact on the lives of others.”
As I mentioned yesterday, I volunteered at the Gnomedex conference in order to get access to the conference for free. And to be honest, I feel like I kinda ripped Chris Pirillo off because my “task” was something I would have done regardless of getting the conference pass or not. All I had to do was solicit aluminum trays from some local restaurants and coordinate the transport of leftover conference food to a homeless encampment. Easy.
And just to demonstrate just how easy it was, I was able to coordinate food transport solely through the use social media. I didn’t even need to get up off of my arse for it. Via Twitter I was able to connect with Mark Horvath (@hardlynormal) who helped me to find Dustin Cross (@dustincross) and together we took the leftover conference food (around 8-10 trays) to a homeless encampment called Nickelsville (named after our departing Mayor Greg Nickels). Mark was one of the speakers at Gnomedex and he is known for his work with InvisiblePeople.tv. Dustin works with the Nickelsville residents on a daily basis as a Street Minister.
In the original plan, I was going to have Dustin and Mark transport the food. At the last minute I decided to forgo the conference and go with them.
I will be the first to admit that I have never had experience with a homeless encampment, but as far as I am concerned, the people that I met at Nickelsville are amazing. Funny, self-deprecating, earnest. Amazing.
When I was there, I happen to meet this couple named Bruce and Donna (see InvisiblePeople.tv video below). Even under the most difficult of circumstances, the two of them remain positive and grateful for the generosity that they have witnessed. They did not complain once while I chatted with them. In fact, they talked about the future. They talked about their dreams.
When I asked several people what they needed, they unanimously said that they needed people to “see them.” They kept inviting me to come back. Stay for dinner. Bring other people to visit. They wanted me to bear witness to their situation. It was inspiring and heartbreaking all at the same time. I am still thinking about them. It still weighs heavy on my mind.
Just a few days after the conference, Nickelsville received notice that they are being evicted, yet again. They are running out of options.
Have you ever tried wrapping your mind around the internet?
No?
Well try wrapping your mind around the fact that the internet (as we know it) is a mere 15 years old. Just a scrappy little teenager. We haven’t even begun to do anything. This is just the beginning. And for me, the Internet is so awesome RIGHT THIS SECOND. If it keeps getting awesome-er, I think my brain will explode.
Last weekend I went to Gnomedex 9.0 Conference as a volunteer. The conference theme was Human Circuitry. I won’t even pretend that I understood everything that was discussed during the event – there was this whole thing on life extension that was way way way over my head. I’m just not that smart. And I won’t attempt to regurgitate what people have already said – you can read a good synopsis of the conference here or see the agenda here. And if you really want to know more, just go here.
As for the other part of the conference (networking), I was woefully inadequate in that department. I didn’t try to meet people. I’m shy and introverted. I sat in the back. I didn’t go to all of the parties. I am not good at that kind of stuff.
But despite being completely ineffectual at the whole conference/networking/getting to know people objective – I did learn several things that I’ve been thinking about it ever since:
I am not serious. Most of the people that were there are serious about what they are doing. They are passionate. I’ve just realized that I am acting small potatoes. And as a result, my results are small potatoes. I need to go bigger.
It’s not too late. Just because I missed the tech bubble or wasn’t in on blogging during it’s infancy, it doesn’t mean shit. There are plenty of opportunities. It’s not about timing, it’s about perseverance.
At the end of the day, the internet is just another cross section of humanity. It’s a community. People trying to relate to other people. This is what kills me every time I think about it. Through the hardware and circuitry, it always reverts back to people interacting with other people. It’s so important. I dare say, the most important thing about the Internet.
I need to do better if I want to get there. I need to work harder.
If you read my blog, you know that I have been having a no good, horrible, terrible August. On the bus into work I was checking my email and I found the sweetest note from a South African reader who lives in London (Hi Emma!). It completely made my day, changed the trajectory of my attitude. Just knowing that people in the United States, United Kingdom, France, Australia, Canada, Japan, Turkey, Sweden, Indonesia, Korea and Germany (among other places) read my blog everyday is a constant source of comfort to me. Having those people send me notes of encouragement while I am feeling blue or taking the time to comment (sometimes everyday) “just because” is completely overwhelming (in a good way). This is “Human Circuitry” at it’s best.
There are something like 80 million blogs out there. Times that by the number of people who read those blogs and write nice little comments telling complete strangers that “things are going to be better” is downright inspirational.
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