S.S.S.
I looked at the calendar and I am in dread that it is already August 25th and I am literally drowning in my own dissatisfaction with the way things are going right now. Time is moving past me so quickly and conversely I am moving so daaarrrnnnn sllooooooowwwly. Throw in some story problem about how two trains are heading towards each other at different speeds and it will equal to exactly how my life feels. It should go something like this: “If Giyen equals “X” and the speed of the train equals “Y” and it’s 9:34 pm right now, what time will Giyen reach her destination?” NEVER. Giyen will never reach her goal because she’s too tired to do algebra right now.
I am starting to think the story of my life is beginning to look like a Brigette Jones sequel sans the naughty bits with Hugh Grant or Colin Firth (which consequently are the best scenes). I’m talking about the parts of the movie where it focuses on being a single thirty something who counts calories, reads self help books and wears bunny costumes at all the wrong times. Sadly, for some reason “Giyen Kim’s Diary” just doesn’t sing “blockbuster romantic comedy” so I don’t even have that to fall back on.
What I guess I am saying is that I am feeling a bit lackluster right now. And a bit lonely. Busy, but lonely. I told my friend Rene that I was destined to become the woman who dresses up her cats and calls them her babies and lets them lick tunafish off of her spoon. She laughed and then offered me few words of encouragement. She says that she just knows that there is “a Bill Clinton type” out there for me. I just haven’t found them yet.
Then I tried to throw her what I call the “soft pitch” about me considering online dating:
Me: What do you think of online dating?
Rene: Ugh God. Those are the worst people.
Me: What do you mean?
Rene: They are the worst people to wait on (she works in a prominent downtown restaurant).
Me: Tell me more.
Rene: There is this one guy who comes in and sits at the bar. Every Tuesday and Thursday he brings his Match.com dates and tries to get laid. The other night things got so hot and heavy that he actually said, “I want to be in….”
Me: OH GOD, STOP RIGHT NOW.
Rene: Yeah. The bartender was so mortified that he had to run to the other side of the bar just so he wouldn’t have too see/hear the rest.
Me: GROSS.
Rene: And then there are the “It’s Just Lunch” people. They pretend like they are going to eat lunch but just sit there having coffee because they don’t really want to spend money on people that they just met two seconds ago. It’s horrible because they pretend like they are going to eat, but never do.
Me: Please stop.
Rene: Don’t get me started on the “SSS.”
Me: Whaaat??
Rene: The Same Side Sitters. The guys that insist that they sit on the same side of the booth because it’s more romantic.
Me: Now you really need to stop …
20 Responses to “S.S.S.”
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Long time reader, first time comment – love your blog.
I met my husband internet dating – the most amazing individual I would never have come into contact with had I not jumped into the “7th level of hell” as my friend so succinctly put it. Go for it and have a sense of humour about it. I can honestly say the good experienced outweighed the bad and there was only one date I went on where I seriously considered that flushing my head down the toilet would be preferable to staying in his company.
Good luck!
Hey hey. I’m a regular reader but I don’t think I’ve commented before. I usually feel like I need to speak up for internet dating if only because I’ve (gulp) met quite a few really nice guys through it, including my live-in boyfriend. The thing that I’ve noticed about internet dating is that there are a lot of smart women doing it… possibly because it’s harder for smart women to find men outside of a computer. (I think?) But, as such, I’ve dated a lot of smart guys I met on the internet, too, from a Cambridge PhD candidate to a Seattle software developer and an Oxford barrister (that was a particularly ill-fated venture, but fun). I probably never would have met any of these people without the internet.
It might also be worth saying that so long as you’re not uber self conscious, even the bad dates just turn out to be entertaining on some basic human level. I did go out with one guy who talked about his preferred technique for cooking rice for TWENTY MINUTES. So you get the same mixed results as meeting somebody at a bar or in a park, just… more frequently, and with a handy profile to go along with it, affording you more time to figure out if they can spell, punctuate, read, et c. ..Something that took me awhile back when I was cruising bars looking for a dude to hang out with. In fact, when I broke the once somewhat embarrassing news that I’d met my boyfriend on the internet to my mother, she just paused and then said, “I’d almost rather that than in a strange bar.” Uh. Hahaha.
Anyway, good luck!
Been married for almost a decade… met him online… in AOL chat… cause there was no match dot com or eharmony back then
D As someone said above, I met a lot of cool guys online. I highly recommend it!
And for the record, I’d love to see “Giyen Kim’s Diary” on the big screen… or “Keshia Cooper’s Diary” or “Ehawee Lightfoot’s Diary” if you get my drift. ;o)
.-= MinorityMidwife´s last blog ..Minority Midwife, CNM =-.
Lol, it’s funny how the internet dating world works. Sometimes you get super, super lucky. Other times? Um, yeah. Yikes! Personally, I got really super duper lucky. I met my husband in an AOL chatroom. Yeah, I doubt the odds of that working out for someone else aren’t quite as good. It’s like we got struck by lightning while fighting off an attacking shark.
Well I wonder if you knew you’d bring out all your online-dating-worked-for-me readers when you wrote this?
So yeah.. met my husband online too. Not in any match site or AOL chatroom but just an offbeat website that really wasn’t about dating, but rather about computer/geek humor. It just happened to have a chatroom. And we just happened to get along really well.. Things snowballed and I ended up marrying a British man – who lived 4000 miles from me – who otherwise I would have never met.
I did have my fair share of weirdos though that I met in dating sites that would’ve made for a good blog entry.. (hint, hint)
PLEASE dive into online dating! And then tell the Internet everything. I can’t even believe the laughs we’d be privy to…
No seriously, not all bad. 75% of the time you will probably want to light your hair on fire as a way to escape the date, but HEY! That still leaves 25% ready to sweep you off your feet. Thinking on the bright side here.
.-= Accidental Olympian´s last blog ..LEAVING SO SOON? =-.
I too would watch your movie (for the record) and want to encourage you to go outside of your comfort zone and try on line dating. I did not have much luck with it myself – I met my man at my local yoga studio, however, doing on line dating made dating less daunting for me and helped me realize what I was really looking for. As others have commented, it can be quite amusing, sometimes disturbing and opens you up to the world out there. DO IT!! My suggestion is E-Harmony.
Hey Giyen. I love your blog. I think you should try internet dating. What the hell, right? It could be good, it could be bad, but it will definitely give you something to write about!
I have a guy friend who lived like a hermit for a long time until one day he pulled his head out of the sand and realized that life was passing him by. So he gave it a try. He had his ups and downs but it looks like he’s met “the one”.
We talked about it once and he said, “Meeting the right person is a numbers game. Your odds are better that you will meet the right person if you get out and meet a lot of people.” While his comment sort of reduces dating down to the level of statistics, I thought he had a point there.
If you think you are ready, you should do it. And if you don’t know if you’re ready or not, you should still do it. If you are truly not ready for it, you will realize that very quickly.
.-= Kat´s last blog ..A Walk Through the Woods =-.
It sucks feeling like your stuck in some bad life loop. Nothing really bad but nothing really great either, blah. I hate that. Fortunately, there is always a point where you’re sick of wallowing and you do something.
You just really need to find what you want to do with your personal time. Dream, make a list. Is dating on the list? Great- give it a go. There is nothing wrong with trying online dating services, I think that, if nothing else, they give you an idea of how you would like/not like to date and get you back in the groove. If you at least get out there, you might get out of your rut and be willing to try some new things.
If dating really isn’t high on your list, go for a little self improvement. I’m not talking about reading more self-help books, I’m talking about helping yourself. Look through your local community ed calendar and take a class to learn something you have always wanted to. You live in a large city with a lot of opportunities for cooperative learning. Take advantage of all the cheap and free stuff you can. Bring a friend if it makes it easier.
Most of all- don’t feel bad about yourself. You are raising a beautiful, self assured daughter, you work, you write, you have people who love you who you love right back. Time to get all Oprah and get out the grateful list- write down one each day and read all of them everyday. Cheesy? yes, definitely. Strangely, it does make you feel better.
Good luck- love yourself.
This blog entry could not have come at a more perfect time for me! I am 28 and thinking about doing online dating and now after reading all of your readers comments… I think I am going to go for it. You should too! I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “I met my husband online!” Get’s you thinking… maybe there are quality people on there. I mean, if I put myself on there that means someone I like would do the same, right? Right? What I want to know now… which site should we join
One reader said e-harmony… anyone else want to weight in? What the hell?! Might as well.
do it, do it, do it!
granted, there are CRAZIES out there – there are crazies everywhere – BUT!
i was 22, bored after graduating college, bumming around my small town for the summer. signed up for Match, started emailing this cute guy moving in from LA, met him for brunch…5 years later we’re married and having our first baby in February.
Really think we all need to get over the Internet dating stigma that’s still around…stat.
.-= bluejeanamy´s last blog ..Like mother like robot =-.
I think that internet dating could be really fun if approached with a sense of humor, and if it happens to go south, the bad dates will make great writing material!!
However, I would caution against eHarmony, they’re kinda scary. They’re Christian based and geared towards MARRIAGE ONLY OR ELSE RARR, and they thus (on “principle”) don’t make gay matches. I realize that you’re straight, but considering your views, I don’t know if you want to use a dating service whose stance is exclusively heterosexual.
.-= Veronica “Suzy Tofu”´s last blog ..Shut Your Noise-Tube, Suzy Tofu! =-.
My mom met her new husband on Match.com and he is awesome! She did meet some sleaze balls first but she said it was obvious! Once she started spending more time before she actually met them it was much better! They just celebrated their 1st anniversary. Good Luck!
.-= Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..While we are Thinking Pink =-.
Haha! My husband asked me, once, if he could sit on the same side as me during dinner- I told him he could, if he wanted a divorce…
I SO need my space- and I don’t think it is romantic!
.-= Jasmine´s last blog ..Bad Mommy Monday =-.
I HATE same-side-sitters. HATE.
I met my husband in person, so I got nothin’. Please do make “The Diary of Giyen Kim,” though. That would rock.
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..Birthday Cake is a permanent feature on their menu =-.
I kinda met my current live-in boyfriend online. It’s complicated. We met at a party and didn’t talk to each other the whole time. Then three months later, I commented on pictures of the party that he had posted on Myspace (which I don’t even use anymore). That simple online conversation started our whole relationship. A year and a half later, here we are!
As for actual online fishing, I would suggest it. I’ve met a lot of great people through online dating. Not much I can add to all of the comments above me. Just be careful and choosy
.-= Meghan´s last blog ..Withdrawal =-.
Yes, try online dating. At best, you’ll meet someone great. At worst, you’ll have a funny story to tell in “Giyen Kim’s Diary.”
.-= Asianmommy´s last blog ..Back-to-School Cupcakes =-.
I met my husband the old fashioned way, but I do know a lot of folks whohave had success with online dating. I suspect it’s a lot like real world dating… Sure, you have to sift through the creeps, but who doesn’t??
.-= W´s last blog .. =-.
I have to agree with most of the comments above. Definitely give online dating a try. It does wonders for curing loneliness and boredom, even if you haven’t made a successful “match”. You set up a basic about-you profile, and then wait for the avalanche of emails to pour in. There’s no commitment, you can respond to whomever sounds interesting, and even if you don’t find someone worthy of dating, you may find some good friends or at least share some interesting philosophical email discussions. My roommate talked me (I was pretty reluctant) into giving it a try eight years ago, and I had a few okay dates, a few awkward ones, then I met my husband; we’ve been inseparable since the first date.
By the way, I really enjoy your blog. I’m still pretty new to motherhood (my son is 16 months old), but I’ve been enjoying your perspective and struggles for a few months now. I also really respect the relationship you have with your daughter. Keep blogging!
Wow … such a response on this subject. But heck-a-doodle-doo, there MAY be something to the online dating afterall. Sign of the times with today’s technological capabilities. Just a modern version of meeting the “old fashion way” in some aspects. Maybe stick to the more detailed sites (y’know, the ones that provide thorough peronality/character/picture/goals information versus a “men seeking women 15 words or less” column).
By the way, I met my hubby at a bar and been married and more in love now for more than 10 years. Mentioning this to show that whatever others say is “taboo” or “shouldn’t do” isn’t necessarily the case. Go with your gut and then let your heart and mind decide from there.
Love ya!