What Would You Do If Your Child Was Gay?
When Paige was much younger, I used to fret about whether or not she would turn out to be gay. Her first best friend was a boy named Shane. Then it was Remy. Then it was Rolando. She was a bit of a tomboy growing up and liked to hang out with the boys much moreso than the girls. I think, for her it was less complicated. She was never preoccupied with the things most girls were drawn to at that age. She just wanted to play things like Pokemon or Yu Gi Oh and get muddy and have fun.
Thinking that it might be in the realm of possibilities, I tried to overcompensate by doing things to make her understand that I was okay with either choice – gay or straight. I would stammer out things like, “Someday you’ll marry a boy. Or a girl! Or you don’t have to get married at all! Whatever! It’s your choice! I want you to be happy!”
My neurosis about making her feel fine with being gay came to a head when Paige broke down and said, “Sorry to disappoint you, I AM NOT GAY.” In my efforts to let her know that I was okay either way, I had inadvertantly made her feel like I wanted her to be gay instead. This was a prizewinning parenting moment.
These days, our conversations about being gay have migrated towards gay rights. Paige is not gay, but she believes in equal rights just like her Momma. We may not be gay, but the two of us have loved ones who are and we can’t possibly see anything “wrong” with that. They are our people.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 at 11:03 pm and is filed under Daily. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
14 Responses to “What Would You Do If Your Child Was Gay?”
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These teen years are so confusing. My girl went through a stage where she thought she might be bi. Loved finding that out from her myspace page. The best things I’ve somehow managed to do, is make her feel that she can be herself. And this person she’s turning out to be is so amazingly cool, the absolute best of me, that I couldn’t be more proud.
You’ll get through it. Writing is therapy.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Part Seven: Our Day at Sea =-.
One of the professors I work with is gay and took advantage of the legalized gay marriage in CA last summer. When he came back from the honeymoon, I got to be the one to photocopy his marriage license. It was sort of a dumb giggly moment for me because I got to see and hold a real gay marriage certificate. It does seem dumb, though, because it doesn’t make too much sense that it’s such a taboo thing. So what if gay couples got married? My marriage is still intact — gee, where’s this catastrophic blow to my marriage hiding? Really, I don’t think it makes sense. Two gay men getting married won’t hurt my relationship with my husband. A single woman trying to tempt my husband? That would — and it would be heterosexual. Seriously, I wish people would think about that before jumping on that “the sanctity of marriage is at stake!” wagon.
I wouldn’t do a thing if my child were gay. I guess that that would make the most sense – since making a “change” would imply that a change was required. I’ve really tried to teach my children to be who they are and that kindness and acceptance are the norm – rather than the exception.
I think I’m succeeding since they seem willing to be friends with just about any kid they meet. They do have the discretion to “not like” people – but that’s more based on actions -like, “he calls me stupid!” I think that’s pretty reasonable.
Love your Blog!!
What an amazing job you have done raising such an open minded young lady!
.-= Renee´s last blog ..Domesticated =-.
Love the picture. It says it all…
.-= Accidental Olympian´s last blog ..THERE WILL BE NO WARM EMBRACE =-.
I’ve recently started reading your blog. I have really enjoyed it so far.
You have a beautiful daughter. Obviously you are doing something right if she feels comforatable enough to clue you in on her sexuality.
Go you for helping her learn to love everyone for who they are not what they are.
I’ve known since I was 5 years old that I was attracted to both men and women. Though my mom has always said that she would be accepting of me and my brother if we were gay, her actions and comments towards others have always betrayed her true feelings. Because of this, I’ve never come out to my mom, and I don’t know that I ever will until I get to the point of being in a serious relationship with a woman.
Thank you for making your daughter feel loved and supported enough that she has no fear about telling you whether or not she’s gay. I wish more parents were like that.
“Sorry to disappoint you, I AM NOT GAY.” – LOL! Only your daughter…
.-= mrs.notouching´s last blog ..Because… =-.
You go, Giyen! You may not have done it perfectly, but you did it better than a lot of people I know. Letting your kid know that you would be okay with it if they were gay, even if you are a bit overzealous, and really meaning it, goes a long way to making your kid feel accepted by you and by themselves.
Love the pic, btw.
a good resource for unaccepting parents of gay people: “saving face” – i may be biased…
.-= Lynn (The Actors Diet)´s last blog ..Lynn – Where’s My Husband? =-.
You remind me of my lovely mom, who always told her children that they could be (and marry) whomever they wanted.
Knowing from the earliest possible age that I could be open and honest with my mother was hugely important, and when I needed to tell her that “I like girls AND boys”, she was amazingly supportive.
Your daughter is blessed to have a mother like you.
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..Mystery Poo =-.
How could one NOT love their child no matter what?
The problem would not be how deal with one’s child, but how to deal with those around you.
I have a friend who said she was a bit disappointed that her kid isn’t gay. Why? “Because PFLAG parties are WAY more fun that the PTA!”
You’ve done a fabulous job raising such a cool, gorgeous girl!
.-= Avitania´s last blog ..Beating the heat =-.
Thank you for having an open mind, both you and Paige
.-= Craig´s last blog ..My grandmother rated him a 7 out of 10. =-.