Dear Sweet Readers
It’s been over a week since I have written. I’m sorry. It’s not because I haven’t thought of about you or this blog, in fact, I think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY. This blog has become an important part of my life. It acts as respite for me. Oftentimes it’s a place to escape to. At times, I depend on it for my sanity – as a mother, you get so little that is your own. As a single mother … well … you get even less.
But anyway.
I wanted to let you all know that I am right in the middle of making some really big, big life decisions. Decisions that are incredibly difficult and disappointing and messy. As a child whose mother had schizophrenia and whose stepmother was abusive, you get really good at pretending things are okay when they are not. As a child, it was a survival mechanism, but as an adult, it’s a very bad habit to have.
What I’ve learned these past weeks is that when you are pretending, you never truly get to interact with the world. The “pretend you” is interacting with the real world and the real world is interacting with the “pretend you.” Naturally, no one ever gets to see “you” because “you” never actually show up. This is the life I have been living for the past 4 years and I’m through with it.
Someone recently sent me this quote:
“there are many great pains in the world, but the greatest pain is to avoid pain itself…”
It’s so true. Things are not okay and they haven’t been for a while.
So big announcements ahead.
Sorry to be all mysterious but everything is not quite sorted out yet and I need to finalize things before I spill the beans.
Much love,
Giyen
This entry was posted on Saturday, September 12th, 2009 at 10:09 pm and is filed under C-c-changes, Daily. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
26 Responses to “Dear Sweet Readers”
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I’m sending you hugs and much love. I hope that you can find the peace in all the things that are happening right now.
.-= Krystal´s last blog ..Remembering =-.
Thinking of you, hon … and sending prayers.
Also thinking of and praying for you.
Even it if is mysterious I’m glad to see you post. Wishing you internal peace with your big decisions.
.-= mylittlesoapbox´s last blog ..Randomness =-.
I, too, and thinking of and praying for you. I’ve missed your posts, and look forward to the next.
.-= Annie´s last blog ..Wait, wait….whose kids are these? =-.
I have missed your blog! I am thinking of you and wishing you well…hang in there!
.-= Amy Murray´s last blog ..The games we play…and the stories we read… =-.
Ugh. Life. Good luck with your sorting-throughs and decision-makings. It never seems to end, does it? Thinking of you and hoping you continue to blog.
Very happy to see another post from you! I hope everything is okay. You can add me to the list of well-wishers who are hoping you find peace and happiness!
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Office space =-.
I know how hard it can be to reveal hidden pain – to your blog readers, your closest friends and family, and even to yourself. I recently did some that on my blog as well.
Be proud of yourself. It is ok to be vulnerable. My thoughts are with you.
.-= humpsNbump´s last blog ..I Scream, You Scream =-.
Sending good thoughts your way…
Hope things work out for the best.
.-= Asianmommy´s last blog ..Book Review: Mandy and Pandy Say, "Ni Hao Ma?" =-.
Big decisions are scary, but know that whatever choice you make it’ll lead you exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Lots of thoughts are with you.
So glad to hear from you…I sensed that things were not going so well for you. Just know that you are supported by a great gaggle of strangers on the internet. We love you and support you whatever it is. Looking forward to hearing more.
I hope you are okay. You have been missed.
.-= Meghan´s last blog ..9/12 =-.
Sending you love and good wishes. I’ve missed you!
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..Comfort Food Saturday: Dirty Rice =-.
Hope everything turns out well.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Content Dog =-.
intrigue…
Finding things out like they’re a bomb and addressing them is a lot of work, but worth it in the long run. Take care of yourself
.-= Marivic´s last blog ..Oh, my. =-.
Dearest Giyen,
Know that we love and support you through good times and bad. Just let us know how to be there for you and we’ll push the magic button to send hugs through the wires.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Another Monday look at goals… =-.
That explains a lot. Well, I’m sending happy thoughts and positive vibes your way, along with plenty of virtual hugs! Hang in there and kick some butt!
You are not alone. So many people feel the way you do. Thank you for reminding me that *I’m* not alone. I will be thinking of you as I make steps to make things better in my own life. Many people are taking this journey with you.
.-= robyn´s last blog ..Magnetic Monday #5 =-.
Sending thoughts and prayers your way. Love your blog and following your journeys. Hope the decision doesnt include stopping your blog . . . . . .
Sending you my very best and hoping that you find peace and the answers you are looking for. These times are so hard and while we hope they make us stronger, they are such a bitch to get through! We will be here when you are ready to write again!
.-= Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..Curses! The Castle! =-.
My husband and I are playing around with a few big changes, and it is so exhausting and numbing to not know what the next step is.
You’ll get there and it will feel like a huge weight is lifted from your shoulders.
.-= Renee´s last blog ..Reflections – August 2009 =-.
Love, love, love your site. You’re talented and honest and smart. Never really commented before..but read the most recent post and figured you might like to hear some over-the-top praise. Keep on truckin…
Sending thoughts and prayers. You are not alone. Hold tight.Love Shelly.