New Kid On The Block
Okay. I have never moved anywhere by myself before. I moved to Portland, Oregon with my high school best friend, Amanda. After a falling out, I moved to Kellogg, Idaho to be with a boyfriend. Then it was off to Denver to live with my sister and down to Colorado Springs to live with a boyfriend again. After a couple of years of boomeranging, I finally settled in Seattle because of – the boyfriend (surprise!).
Come to think of it, I’ve never been on vacation by myself. Or been to a bar where I didn’t know anyone. I’ve only been to a movie alone once – which, btw, I could hardly stand because I was watching Lars and the Real Girl and ended up crying like a baby because Ryan Gosling had gained all that weight and no longer looked like Noah Calhoun.
I really haven’t done a lot of adventuresome things as a single adult woman. I’ve played it safe. I’m just a talker. Or as my friend Teresa says, “all talk.” But I am trying to break the mold and become less dependent on the safety net of friends that I’ve created. Really. In order to get out of my comfort zone I live on a rural island, for pete’s sake.
So 30 days into it and I am starting to get a bit lonely. When you don’t have the distractions of the city, you have a lot more time to reflect on your life and how you want it to be. And sitting at home reading self-help books while sipping on a hot toddy because I don’t know anyone here is not exactly how I want it to be.
Oh God. Listen to me. Now I am really starting to sound like a Bridget Jones movie. All of the sudden I feel like I am going to a new high school but without the benefit of getting to see the same people everyday. I am the new kid on the block. Except here, the blocks generally have ONE HOUSE on them.
What are my options as an adult to meet new people? Knitting circle? Farmer’s market? Square dance? Barn raising? I know, I know – I am stereotyping here. But where am I going to meet men? The library? Singles night at Thriftway Market? Ladies night at the Red Bicycle Bistro the sushi/burger/fish and chips/nightclub? This is all so confounding.
Case in point – the other day Paige and I were at Perry’s Vashon Burger and an adorable man walks and the door, looks at me and says, “You should smile.” And I do. And he says, “That’s much better.” And I keep grinning, because I am an ass. But what else can I do? Slip him my number and mortify my teenager? Tell him I’ll see him at the hoe down?
And really, is this a joke? Do all the cute single men hang out at the burger joint? Though it kinda makes sense somehow – really? A burger joint that doesn’t serve beer? This must be some version of hell. There’s only so many burgers that this girl can eat. And I shouldn’t be eating any of them.
I completely understand where you are coming from. Right now, I, too, wonder where in the ham sandwich I am supposed to meet good guys. (I’ve turned to Craigslist…with decent results.)
Good luck at Perry’s Burger Shack of Love!
Nicki´s last blog ..March of Dimes…Premie Awareness Month…
I was giggling before I got to the picture and then I snorted.
Giyen, I know it’s a small island, but SOMETHING must happen there. Find a group you’d be interested in joining. You need some local friends, girl.
Mir´s last blog ..Literary slut, visual prude
I find that the best way to meet people if you’ve just moved is to network off of your daughter’s friend’s parents. Would that work?
I don’t know how normal people meet each other. In the three years I’ve lived here, all my friends have come from one of the two clubs I’m in: local mothers of similarly aged babies & roller derby. Fortunately they both have cool people.
I’ve heard that online dating services work well for some. Would you consider that?
Asianmommy´s last blog ..Back From Las Vegas
Yay! I was linked!
Anyway, there are probably loads of people on that small island who have noticed the new kids on the block and are dying to strike up a conversation with you. Don’t be shy, say hi! In that sense it might be easier to make friends in a small town vs. moving to a city.
Oh meeting people in a new city, how you are the bane of my existence.
After moving from busy Seattle to Olympia I too had the same realization you’re having that DEAR LORD IT’S LONELY HERE. To combat this, first I tagged along with coworkers to nights out, then I joined a book group (which although lame sounding, is actually very wine filled and a lovely way to meet smart female friends), and last week I joined a roller derby team.
Each time I put my neck out I want to vomit from the nerves, and slowly but surely I’m actually meeting people and feeling more at home here in this new city of mine.
All else fails, I TOTALLY think you should go to the hoe down.
Ashley, the Accidental Olympian´s last blog ..ONE OF THOSE DAYS
I don’t do lonely well, and I’m not good at going out alone. Is there a local morning spot? Coffee shop or diner? If you go there on a regular basis and over hear conversations you’ll get to know what is going on in town, and you’ll eventually join in the conversations and make friends. It’s kind of like going to the bar for a drink and chat after work, but it’s in the morning and there is no boos.
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If you figure out how to make friends as an adult, please send me a telegram explaining as soon as possible. I left everyone I know on the East coast to come out to Arizona and live with my fiance last March. 8 months later, and I still only know him. If I don’t remember how to make friends soon, I am afraid he may bury me up to my neck in sand, for some relief from being my only adult interaction in the world.
It’s ridiculously hard. Of course, my situation could be helped if I ever left the house, but I’m actually kind of hoping for the solution to fall into my lap. Or! Be telegrammed to me!
TJ´s last blog ..WINCEABLE!
I’m with you sister! I’ve just moved countries to be with my fiance and I’m struggling with how to make friends AGAIN. My solution is to join every group I can think of that might interest me – swing dancing, book clubs, lunch clubs. That way, I’m bound to meet someone I like and then hopefully, I can meet their friends and their friends’ friends and voila. Maybe?
It’s hard work though. I remember when I was younger it seemed like the most natural thing in the world and now I realise it’s a job in itself. Anyone feel like moving to New Zealand and being my friend?
Gemfit´s last blog ..A saboteur in the house
Hey there…So a few weeks ago before moving to vashon I googled and googled trying to find blogs where people wrote about Vashon, to get a better sense of the people there. I came across your blog. I have been checking it ever since, wondering if I should say “hi.” This post just convinced me. I am officially moving to Vashon next week and know NOBODY. So I hear you…I do have a husband but his line of work keeps him from home all the time. email me back and let’s chat and maybe get some coffee. And while I don’t have kids, I totally agree with you about that dancing B.S. (just reading about it on the beachcomber….). A little saddened by such puritan over-reaction…..maybe we can mobilize!
I hope to hear from you soon.
-new-to-vashon-too
Hi it’s me again, Margie in Bellevue soon-to-be Margie on Vashon. We’re moving to Burton over this weekend and next. Will see you around, probably, hopefully. I have never been drunk on the ferry but am certainly not averse, in case you are in need of a cohort.