The Green Lantern
Somewhere on Hwy 109 between Ocean Shores and Pacific Beach is this side-of-the-road tavern called the Green Lantern. From what I hear, the G.L. has been around since the 1920′s and it’s been serving up your average American breakfast and your basic beers and burgers combo ever since. Inside there is a pool table, soft-tip darts, shuffle board and oodles Anheuser Busch posters that say things like, “Hunters Welcome.”
I first came across the Green Lantern, when my good friends Betsy & Kim invited me to their beach cabin for a couple of days of kicking the sand around. On the morning of our departure, they insisted on taking me to eat breakfast at the G.L. – where they said they had a “special surprise” for me. As a former resident of the Oregon coast, I noticed nothing different about the joint – it looked exactly how all the other small coastal taverns look. For a second, I thought they brought me there for a little piece of hometown nostalgia. Oh so naive.
As we were waiting for our breakfast, B&K encouraged me to go check out the bathroom. Not knowing what to expect (mounted deer head in the stalls?), I headed in there with some trepidation. I slowly creaked open the door but saw nothing but a normal dingy bar bathroom. But as soon as I closed the door behind me, smack dab in the middle of the wall was a large poster of an “almost naked” man. And when I say “almost naked” I actually mean that he was completely naked, except for the wooden ivy leaf (on a hinge) over his full monty.
Now all of us come to some big crossroads in our life – a Robert Frost moment where the road diverges and we must choose, “Do I look under the leaf?” “Do I leave it alone and walk out the door?” What good could come from this? I doubt that the answer to the universe is hidden under there and hell, I’ve seen a penis before. But there I stood, feeling sick and inconsolable about what to do. It was as if my life would be over if I didn’t get to see what lay hidden behind that leaf.
So with hands trembling and despite my better judgment, I reached for the tip of the leaf to see if I could sneak a peek under it. No luck, I couldn’t see a thing. It was beginning to be clear that this decision would have to be big. Confident. Either I was going to go all the way or I needed to pack up and go home.
Not one to be labeled a wuss, I firmly took hold of the leaf and with one fail swoop, I lifted it up. Then heard a loud, “BUR-R-R-I-N-N-G-G!! BUR-R-R-I-N-N-G-G!! BUR-R-R-I-N-N-G-G!!”
And then an eruption of laughter outside the bathroom door.
Apparently this was an old tavern trick that all the locals know about already. When you lift the leaf, it basically triggers a loud door bell throughout the tavern. SO EVERYONE CAN KNOW THAT YOU WERE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO LOOKS UNDER LEAVES IN ORDER TO SEE A PICTURE OF A PENIS. PERVERT! PERVERT!
And to add insult to injury, you then get to walk out the bathroom door, into the dining hall and SEE EVERYONE LAUGH AT YOU.
Yep.
And after all that – I don’t even fucking remember was actually under the leaf.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 8:14 am and is filed under Daily. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
Hahaha! PERVERT!
I would have done the same damned thing.
Sharyn´s last blog ..Holding A Monster By The Tail
Awesome.
Amy´s last blog ..Mama’s Little Helper
Hee, hee, hee! Too funny! Thank you for the giggle!
Kelly´s last blog ..Pleasant Surprises!
I was at the Green Lantern this summer and even used the bathroom. How in the hell did I not end up falling for this trick? This is totally the sort of thing I would do too…
Thanks for the heads up for next time.
Accidental Olympian´s last blog ..A MUCH NEEDED BREAK
Ugh. EMBARRASSING! If I am ever at the G.L. (and it sounds like the kind of place I’d love to stop in at) I’ll remember not to fall for the leaf trick….thanks for the heads-up.
Amy Murray´s last blog ..Holiday Tradition #4: Wake up early, stare at tree
Totally awesome. Although when I was reading the “BUR-R-R-I-N-N-G-G!!” part, I thought it said, “B-U-R-N-I-N-G”, and thought, “What? Is that some sort of Jesus thing?”
For what it’s worth, I would totally have looked under the fig leaf, too.
Avitania´s last blog ..MBA Madness
ah, good friends, what will one do without them?
Nurit -1 Family. Friendly. Food.´s last blog ..Hummus, my way
I love it. Now you have me wondering what I would have done. It has been a while since I’ve seen some male business…
Apparently I’m medicating with chocolate these days.
Nicki´s last blog ..My new favorite…
This is why we could be friends! That is awesome!
Jasmine´s last blog ..Post-Turkey Day
This sounds familiar. I think I’ve deleted an email forward detailing something similar. I would’ve fallen for it, too, though!
Reading your posts almost always hurts…but in a good way.
xx
Jennifer June´s last blog ..Dear wankerhut.com,
OH! you WOULD post something new right when I link everyone to the Green Lantern story! Gawd!
thanks for the good laugh. . and for what its worth, I would have looked too . .and then come out and took a bow, laughing the whole time !!
I was just at the Green Lantern on Saturday, enjoying a burger, beer and watching the Husky game (no cable at Iron Springs Cabins). And Yes, I lifted the fig leaf too!
Hahahaha!!! Wonder what would happen if that was in the men’s room? I’d totally look!
beyond hilarious…nothing better than total humiliation stories to brighten up someone else’s day! thanks!
Melissa´s last blog ..lost a battle but the fight will continue
Freaking hilarious!!!! I actually laughed out loud. Thank you for that! XD
OMG!!!! I’ve heard stories from my entire family about this! When I was 4 my family drove around the United States and my youngest aunt who was stationed in San Diego at the time dragged my family to the Green Lantern! Of course my mom lifted the leaf just as was expected! I’ve heard stories for years about that night!! LMAO!!!
j’lynn´s last blog ..My agenda for the rest of the night…
HILARIOUS!!!! Love it, and thanks for the warning. Hopefully I’ll remember if I ever go.
Tabitha Blue´s last blog ..Sunday Citar
If it is any consolation I would have lifted up that friggin leaf. The only difference is I would have climbed out a friggin window (no matter how small) to avoid the humiliation
Friggin Loon´s last blog ..Makeshift Windscreen
Now that I know, I’ll probably lift the darn thing 3x’s in a row just to entertain the crowd.
Shuffleboard is a great and catchy game that people should try out. My family loves it! Those peeps that have not played are missing out, it is definitely one of my most favorite social games. We are planning to purchasing a new one for our family room soon – I just cant wait!
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