A Little Glimpse of Hope
There’s a certain point when you realize that everything there is left to do as a parent is pretty much small potatoes compared to all the work between zero and 12. Gone are the days when the definition of Mom meant “center of the universe.” Gone are the days when going to bed without snuggling seemed sacrilegious. You realize that window of opportunity for imparting your great nuggets of wisdom has mostly passed and that your job now is relegated to chauffeur and chef. And that’s if you are lucky.
Lately, I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that parenting a teen means: “Be seen, but not heard.” In fact, it’s more like, “Don’t be seen and DEFINITELY don’t say anything – LIKE, EVER.” Your teen no longer wants to listen to what you have to say. She now realizes that you don’t know everything. And in fact, you know that she knows that you don’t know everything. That answer you give about “unicorn dust creating the color of sky” was never a good explanation in the first place and someone who knows everything should, hypothetically, know the quadratic equation and it’s relevance in everyday life. Right?
So the jig is up. Let the panicking commence. During the teen years ask yourself things like, “Did I get it all in? Did I teach her all that I wanted to?” And then you realize that you didn’t get it all in. Despite your better judgment, you start to double down and try and cram even more life lessons in before the age of 18. You trick yourself into thinking your relationship is a plot to a Mitch Albom book. You’re so desperate to get some confirmation – some glimmer of hope – ANYTHING – that indicates that the center of your kid’s world is not a pair of Citizen for Humanity jeans that you start to obsess. smother. cling.
It’s not pretty.
And then once in a while, the Gods answer your prayers. You get a sign that you did okay and that your kid is actually pretty spectacular. In fact, it doesn’t really matter that she leaves empty bottles of shampoo, milk, juice, toothpaste, [fill in blank] everywhere, you’ve raised someone who is thoughtful. And creative. And a genius. FTW!
I had one of those moments recently when I made Paige create a “vision board” as Part 25 of her punishment for getting drunk on New Year’s Eve with her friends. I figured that she needed something personal to keep her eye on the prize and stay out of the worst of troubles (obviously, a potentially ‘off the sha-hizzle’ mother was not motivation enough).
Me: As part of your punishment, I am going to have you make a vision board. Do you know what that is?
Paige: Mom, you are *not* Oprah.
Me: You need to have a tangible reminder of what’s inspires you.
Paige: Can I get off of groundation earlier if I make one?
Me: You will not be off groundation until you make one.
Paige: Fine. But this is ridiculous.
Me: Fine.
Paige: That poster board is waaayy too big. How am I going to fill it all up?
Me: You’ll figure it out. I promise.
Paige: UUGGGHHH!!
After three (THREE!) laborious days, she made this:
It was fascinating to see how carefully Paige chose each quote and picture. She put thought into every detail and I couldn’t have asked for a more diligent creative process. She used this quote that she found (and pasted top center) as her guide:
“What kind of future do I envision for myself? What kind of “self” am I trying to develop? What do I want to accomplish in my life? The thing is to paint this vision of your life in your heart as specifically as possible. That “painting” itself becomes the design of your future. The power of the heart enables us to actually create with our lives a wonderful masterpiece in accordance with that design.”
How sweet is that?
Plus, I especially like how she has Taylor Lautner and Buddha right next to each other. You know, cause in her world they are both heavenly beings.
If you want to see a close up of her vision board, click here.
32 Responses to “A Little Glimpse of Hope”
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That was very inspiring. Thanks, Paige! Glad something wonderful came out of that “trouble”
That is beautiful. Paige is obviously growing up into an incredibly thoughtful woman.
Man, I feel like I need to make a vision board and I’m 31.
I am 35 and I made one alongside her. : )
What a great post! You are truly a great parent!
Wow, you’re an amazing mom. I LOVE Paige’s vision board. I’ve been trying to make one every year… all through my 30s. I believe in ‘em!
.-= Single Mom Seeking´s last blog ..Spoil yourself on Valentine’s Day? =-.
Amazing job, Paige. And amazing job mothering, Giyen. We are too quick to blame ourselves when they mess up. Sometimes people just make bad choices no matter how well they are raised.
I created a vision board once. It was an awesome project. It’s about time to do a new one, new vision, new dream for the new life. Thanks for the inspiration.
Holy crap, that’s amazing, Giyen. That kid’s got an eye!
Well done!
.-= Karen from Chookooloonks´s last blog ..guest photographer: tracey clark =-.
That is awesome! Magazine worthy work. So Giyen, is this what I have to look forward to in a few year’s time? *This* is why I still carry around my 5 year old.. cuz I know what’s probably coming up. However, posts like these… gives me a bit of hope. Deep down, that kid of yours might hem & haw, sigh and roll her eyes at you but in the end, she still respects and loves her mom. Ima just gonna give a few more hugs to my kiddo right now.. ;P
.-= ChantaleP´s last blog ..vancouver 2010! =-.
Fantastic post Giyen and what an amazing Vision Board, Paige! I still have a few more years until teendom hits Pippi’s house. I must remind myself to cherish this time. Thank you for sharing.
.-= Pippi´s last blog .."Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy…" =-.
This is absolutely beautiful.
.-= robyn´s last blog ..Rockin’ that 365…? =-.
That’s an excellent “punishment” that becomes more of a reward in the end. Great job! And wow, Paige did a fantastic job on her vision board. She’s definitely got a good head on her shoulders. =)
This was an incredibly inspiring parenting snapshot. Win for being an awesome mom, win for raising an amazing daughter.
That is a really amazing thing you had her do. I can only image at that age what sitting down to make something like that requires. Introspection, forward thought, reflection… not typically things teenagers spend a lot of time worrying about.
Nice work Ma.
.-= Ashley, the Accidental Olympian´s last blog ..PERFORMANCE ANXIETY =-.
How about, *IMAGINE.
Eek. This is what happens when you don’t read over your comments!
.-= Ashley, the Accidental Olympian´s last blog ..PERFORMANCE ANXIETY =-.
Holy wowza! Love it. That’s a great “punishment!” I’m totally stealing that in about 13 years.
Love Paige’s board and major kudos to you for having that as part of her punishment. I think she got a lot more out of it than anticipated.
.-= Cass´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day, lingerie & what makes you feel sexy =-.
I’ve never heard of a vision board. What a nice idea.
.-= Asianmommy´s last blog ..The Year of the Tiger 2010 Calendar from Target & Coca-Cola =-.
Wow!!! This is beautiful, gorgeous and stunning- I love it. The quotes are also wonderful… One of them struck such a chord with me I typed it out and I am reflecting on it —- hows that for making and impact. Thank you for sharing this and thank you to your daughter for creating it
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Jean Poppin’ Goodness…. =-.
That is a beautiful vision board! I’ve made a few as an adult, and I wish I had done so at Paige’s age. I will definitely remember this idea when my kids get a bit older. They’re 4 and 5 now, so I’m pretty sure their boards would just be plastered with Toys R Us ads!
.-= Jaimes´s last blog ..happy anniversary to starr and little willow =-.
All I can say is WOW. What a great young woman she is becoming…you are correct to be proud!! Love it.
The funny/nerdy/dorky thing is, I used to make those boards, of my own volition, no punishment required.
But I love that you did this, and what she shared with you through it,
Love it! That is great punishment… I love it!
One of the best punishments I’ve come across is this… My husband’s aunt punished her daughter for losing the family camera on a field trip by making her do the research for a new camera (price comparison, reviews, everything). She also had to do “earn” the money to pay for it by babysitting her younger siblings and doing rigorous chores around the house for “minimum wage.” Brilliant lesson learned
.-= Renee´s last blog ..Reflections – January 2010 =-.
This was not only an awesome punishment to give a teen girl but she did an awesome job. Wow…what a thoughtful, creative girl!
steph h
http://www.livefitandsore.com
.-= Steph H´s last blog ..Maintaining Balance =-.
Oh, Giyen… what a fantastic idea! And Paige really came through with flying colours, huh? My kids are waaaaay too little for something like this yet, but I admit I am already scouring around for ideas for their teen years – I sense it will require the planning and foresight not unlike that which goes into full-scale military operations. And I fully expect the collateral damage (me and the boys’ father) to be on a similar scale.
Teenagers – a whole new set of challenges for me to look forward to.
Soo when are you going to write a book about parenthood?
.-= Jasmine´s last blog ..Hippy Baby Births: Homebirthing Part 1 =-.
I love this. Love everything about it.
I’m going to start a “Move Giyen to Los Angeles” fund so that you can be nearby and
raisehelp with Jane and Alexander..-= Jessica Gottlieb´s last blog ..The Experts Weigh In On Bullying =-.
What a fabulous ‘punishment’ I would have loved to have gotten in trouble in your house.
Seriously, this is a great exercise. And having made it through the teen years with a daughter turning (dear lord) 21 in a few months I can tell you that they come out the other end so incredible. And believe it or not, if you keep parenting like this she will realize how lucky she is to have you as her mom.
I loved the teen years, but it is a balancing act.
.-= amyz5´s last blog ..Girls, what? =-.
I lobe this idea. There could not be a punishment that would cause so much reflection. I imagine how therapeutic this was for her to have some time to herself to zero in on her beliefs, thoughts, wants… Awesome. Just awesome!
Beautiful! I love her vision board! She did a fabulous job… wow.
I think this is a wonderful “punishment” and hopefully she will see that it leads her well. I am in the process of creating yet another vision board as my last one was fulfilled.
Great stuff!
.-= T´s last blog ..Maybe anything IS possible =-.
I LOVE how she put Buddha and Taylor Lautner side-by-side. Too funny.
You can be sure you did a damn good job raising her. It’s obvious. Be proud.
.-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..A Post About How I Kind Of Fail As A Mother, But Don’t Worry, I’m Not Emo =-.
Thank you. I feel so much smarter now.
Emo Girl is the best emo blog on earth!