We Wear Short Shorts
During the month of March, all these emotions start percolating up to the surface. It’s birthday month.
If you’re anything like me, you start going through the life’s proverbial checklist around this time:
Baby? Check.
House? Check.
Successful career? Depends on what day you ask me.
Marriage? Uh, no.
Love? Still hopeful.
Travel? Not enough.
Book? Painfully slow going.
Happiness barometer? Partly sunny. Partly cloudy. Chance of rain showers.
Adventure? Do you count moving an island with a population of 10,000 an adventure? (I do.)
Number of meltdowns in the last 365 days? Less than 365. FTW!
And as if mentally checking off a list of accomplishments wasn’t taxing enough, vanity sets in and you start asking yourself the big questions like:
Shoe collection? Too many pointy shoes and high heels. Need rubber boots. And orthotics.
Style? I need a makeover. A Clinton & Stacy makeover.
Wrinkles? No more than last year! Woohoo Asian pearl cream!
Hair? To perm or not to perm?
Weight? Still heavy (pun intended) on my mind.
Usually, when I get to the point on contemplating the size of my ass, I break out the bourbon and get really deep. I take a trip down memory lane and go back. Way back. Back to the dark corner of the closet where I keep my pair of cut off jean shorts from high school. Naturally faded, ala “Nobody put’s baby in the corner” cut off shorts circa 1988. Tiny!
If I am feeling especially nostalgic, I might just attempt to put them on. I stick my feet in the leg holes and pull up the britches by the belt loops. In good years, I’ll make it all the way up to mid thigh. During the not so good years, I generally fall over trying to get them past my knees. It’s awesome. Trust me.
These shorts have meant so many things throughout the years. During my early 20′s and post baby, these shorts tortured me – LOOK AT YOURSELF, YOU CANNOT FIT IN THOSE JEANS ANYMORE. STOP EATING. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Later in my 20′s I lost so much weight that I was able to fit back into them. Of course, I never wore them anywhere outside the confines of my own home, BUT! standing in front of a mirror with those shorts on gave me a sense of vindication and accomplishment -Yes! I did it! I got back to the high school weight.
I broke those shorts out again on Saturday. You know, because I am brooding and have PMS. And I’m still back at square one with my weight struggles. Stress is my trigger and I’ve been under a lot of stress. So of course, looking at shorts 10 sizes too small is going to make me feel better. Right? Of course!
Understanding the futality of even trying them on, I instead came to the conclusion that I am probably never going to fit into them again. And that, my friends, is okay. I never want to be that insecure high school girl – the one who thought she looked fat wearing those cut off shorts. The one who wished she was skinnier at 115 pounds. It’s not a good place to go back to.
Now when I look at those shorts, I see a girl who never saw herself for who she was. The one who was always wishing for something she didn’t have. The one that didn’t accept that even during her leanest, she was beautiful and strong and healthy. And it reminds me do not waste time mulling over the flaws and start focusing on appreciating rather than criticizing.
*****
Also, some unrelated things of note:
As an aside, check out my review on the Sprint 4G Network here and enter to win a chance to win a $300 Visa card.
And, as another aside, due to the success of the campaign, Quaker has decided to increase their maximum donation Share Our Strength to $50,000! Learn more about it by checking out the new Quaker video to the right and for more information click here.
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 11th, 2010 at 9:38 am and is filed under Daily. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
Rock on, girlfriend. The lady who doesn’t fit into those shorts is infinitely better off now.
Mir´s last blog ..Love thrives
Reading your post made me feel better,as I too am PMSing and hyper-focusing on my weight and body image. Flaws BE GONE! I LOVE ME!
Pippi´s last blog ..Pip-eBay – All contributions to benefit the Send Single Mom Says to Las Vegas for her 40th Birthday Fund
Yay! Good for you! It is definitely time to stop lamenting the fact that you don’t fit into the hs jeans and start celebrating the fact that you are no longer in hs! We age, our bodies change. So what? Embrace it. Eat well, exercise, be healthy and be happy.
When’s your birthday? Mine is the 24th.
Happy Housewife´s last blog ..I Never Knew it Could be Like This
I have to tell you, we all do this. We torture ourselves with the pictures/clothes from when we thought we were fat, as opposed to now when we know we are. It’s almost like a rite of passage. And I, too, have realized that I would never want to go back to being that girl again. I like me, mostly, just the way I am.
Nicki´s last blog ..Grrr…
Oh, the high school shorts/ pants. I have these adorable little short shorts that have a shoelace-style tie-up feature instead of a zipper or buttons. Even after I got back into all my other pants, I still couldn’t fit properly back into those shorts. Now? I’m struggling to cut the weight back off. Sure, I had a baby four months ago, but it just seemed to fall right off after I had my daughter. Well, I’ll just have to take a lesson from you and be comfortable with myself instead of longing for the past.
You should give them to your daughter and be done with them. It will either break your heart or make you smile to know the shorts will see new adventures.
Dana´s last blog ..A Spring Song
Love the checklist.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com
Twitter: mikeleonen
Photo ideas? 100 Portrait Ideas
One of my favorite quotes, that I felt was appropriate in this situation:
“Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”
Last year I decided to get rid of all my old clothes. I am not that person and do not want to be that person ever again. Every day we are different. I can totally relate about looking back at things – yours is the shorts – and thinking about the “good old days”. Lately, those days don’t seem as good as what’s going on now. A sign of change for both of us.
One of the blogs I read posted just this:
“You need to know everyone struggles”.
steph h
http://www.livefitandsore.com
Steph H´s last blog ..Filling my Inspirational tank
Yeah. I feel the pain. 2 kids later, I look with lustful longing at this stunning red dress I have… but it is tight and exposes my upper arms. It’s a long-lost dream, I tell you. Sigh.
WarsawMommy´s last blog ..Four Years And One Day Ago….
Throw those freaking things out! Or frame them. Whatever you do, DON’T TRY THEM ON!!!
You know what? We mothers have enough reminders of what we can’t do, be it right now or always. I say throw those suckers out and be done with it. Then go buy a pair of pointy shoes WITH an orthotic sole.
(New reader. Very much enjoying your posts.)
I have a pair of shorts like this sitting in the bottom of my drawer. I keep thinking….some day I will wear those. Yeah. right.
Haha! Love it. Just had baby #1 6mo ago, and I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that belly and boobs are NEVER going to “snap back.” From what I understand of the laws of physics, it just isn’t possible. But I try to console myself by saying, “I wasn’t happy with how I looked then, but now I miss it. SOOO I should be happy with how I look now, because soon I’ll miss this too.” But can’t help being super jealous when I see other moms with flat abs and perky breasts.