Outnumbered
There are times in my life when I think I should have had another child. However, as a 20 something single mother it never seemed like an opportune time. I was young, selfish and immature – barely able to support the child that I had. Then 20 came and went. Then 22. And 25. And 27.
“Would it seem weird to have a 7 year old and a baby?” I would ask myself. Yes, it would seem weird. I was just settling into who I was again and the thought of going through the midnight feedings and diapers was unbearable. I finally decided that 30 was the cut off age. If I didn’t have another child at that point, then it wasn’t going to happen for me. Year 30 flew past me. As did 33, 34 and 35. Paige is almost 16 and I am now 36.
From time to time I feel a bit of remorse over not having the second, especially since Paige is so good with other kids younger than she. I would have loved to see her be a big sister to some lucky sibling, but it wasn’t in the cards for us. My life is on a different trajectory. Plus, at 36 I know myself better. I wouldn’t have been able to hack having the second child. I am still a bit selfish and immature. I don’t do well when I am outnumbered.
These are the freshly painted fingers and toes of Eloise. She and her brother Jacob spent the afternoon with us while their parents, Matt and Mary, had an anniversary brunch in Seattle.
At one point in the afternoon, Jacob woke from his nap and realized that he wasn’t nestled in the security of his own home. Understandably, he was quite verklempt over the notion that there was some round faced Asian woman trying to comfort him instead of his parents. This would freak me out too.
He was hungry and crying so I ended up making lunch with him balanced on my hip with one arm free to stir, pour and plate our meal of Annie’s Mac and Cheese. It wasn’t easy for me. I even had Paige in the other room keeping Eloise company so it wasn’t like I was by myself. I thought about Mary cooking for these two young kids day after day and it made me tired. I don’t think I could have managed it. For two hours, yes. For two days even. But everyday? I don’t think so. Oh God. No way.
Hat’s off to all of you who are outnumbered by your kids.
14 Responses to “Outnumbered”
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Oh man, do I get this!! I became a mom at 39, a single mom. And at 43, now that my daughter is 4, I have occasional pangs of wondering if I should have another baby (or adopt one) so that Dexy won’t be an only child. And then I’ll visit a friend or family member w/ an infant and remember how hard it was, the sleepless nights, the 3am feedings, being terrified all the time that they would die in their cribs, or fall and crack open their head, etc. It’s hard enough being the single mom of a 4 year old, and I have a LIFETIME of worry ahead of me w/ regard to her. I don’t think I could handle being outnumbered. No way. No day!
Cheryl´s last [type] ..I Heart Spring
Thank you. I don’t know how we do it, either. And I know sometimes I don’t do it well at all.
Trish´s last [type] ..What is a Rotary Club Anyway
Ohmigosh, baby toes!
Ok. I’ve recovered.
I am an only child and my son will be an only child, so all I can say to this post is AMEN! Well said.
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Nothing like those dimples where grown-ups have knuckles!
Giyen, thanks for so succinctly putting into words something that rings so true to so many of us. I also think most of us with two kids look the same way at the ones who ventured to have three or more kids.
Somebody once said about child rearing: “what a wild ride it is” and I believe that’s true whether you have one or more kids.
I shudder when I think about my young self dealing w/my babies 18 months apart…and then adding a 3rd at age 30 (was also my stopping off point, no more babies after 30!).
And although baby toes are cute, they are exhausting at 37 – I feel like this everytime I watch friends’ little ones. The diapers. The bottles. The binkies and the sore, achy muscles after they’ve gone home. Oh my!
Carrie´s last [type] ..Why I Live Here
Oh man. The three kids. We have some role reversal, so I don’t normally have to deal with all three without my husband around. But on evenings when he has to go to the store, I swear I feel so bad that I leave him home all day to contend with the three of them. It’s a good thing they’re all cute.
What an absolutely beautiful post! I think my son will be an only child because I have a hard time accepting the idea of starting all over again but it is not the sleepless nights that worry me…it is the cost of day care. You are a wonderful writer!
I will be 30 soon and am struggling with the desire to have another child and the complete exhaustion and energy suckage that motherhood has been for me. I seriously don’t know how people manage with 3, 4, 7, more. My husband is an only and I am the oldest of 2, so entertaining the idea of just one is getting easier and easier for me. I kind of wish I knew the secret to having more, energy wise: how do you do it???
You would have dealt with it the same way everyone else has dealt with it. i have three kids under the age of ten i had my youngest 7 years after my middle child so i know how you feel. I would have rather had them more close together but it doesn’t always work out that way. I deal with things the best way i know how with insanity..lol Children can drive you nuts, they can break you down, and wear you out. But they are truly the love of our lives.
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My sister is 16 years older than me and she told me it was humiliating to have a pregnant mother at that age! Then I felt bad for being alive. I think you made the right choice
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I love the comment at the end about not being outnumbered. I am an only child and when I was a child, I asked why I didn’t have any brothers or sisters. My parents told me they didn’t want to be outnumbered. My father passed away when I was 13, so it’s been my mom and I for the past 22 years. When I read your post, I just laughed because it’s EXACTLY what my parents told me about why I had no siblings. You aren’t alone in that feeling. LOL!
Ohhh, thank you for this post. I am just now becoming a single mom with one darling, wonderful child…but I always thought I’d have more, and now it’s just not looking like that will work out for me. It can be painful to look at my daughter (age 3) and know she will likely never have a sibling, and hope she turns out normal despite the fact that she will be an only child. But Paige is normal! And this gives me hope! And seriously, just READING about preparing a meal for three kids made me tired. I can barely prep a meal for ONE child, so maybe it’s best that more kids just aren’t in the cards for me!
Amy´s last [type] ..Ahh- the hippies
Hilarious! Being outnumbered is great when we’re all having fun, and when one or more is melting down…holy freakin’ cow! But I say hats off to you, for wrangling a teenager! I’m still bigger than all mine, but when that changes…yeesh!
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