Over the weekend I did a quick email interview with Danielle from The Mommy Chronicles. One of the 5ish questions was, “Looking forward where do you see yourself and your blog going in the next few years?”
Answer: I have no idea.
Actually, like most people, I have some semblance of what I’d like to happen but unlike most people I have no discernable road map of how to get there. As a person who has issues with paying attention to something for more than 12 minutes, it takes a tremendous amount of effort just to figure out what to have for breakfast. The thought of knowing whats going to happen 3 months, 6 months, 12 months out is comedic. This is obviously a problem.
Anyone who is anyone in goal setting/time management/self-help realm will be able to tell you that pretty much nothing happens as planned unless you ACTUALLY HAVE A PLAN. I know, it takes me a while to get basic things.
One of my main problems is the fact that there are too many methods of planning and goal setting. It can be overwhelming. I go to Barnes and Noble, find a book (Know Your Strengths! 7 Habits of Highly Effective People! What Color Is Your Parachute?!?) and go to town. Sadly, by the time I’ve read the last page I’ve lost my drive to do anything. Three months later I go to Barnes and Noble again to buy another book (new puppy!), then I read that book, do a couple of venn diagram exercises and then lose steam again. Fast forward about six months later and I go to Barnes and Noble again, buy yet another book … well, I think you get the picture. At this point I have a goal to articulate my goals.
Welcome to the inner workings of my brain.
Given that it’s my 2 year plus 1 day blogoversary, I thought it fitting that I start thinking about what my goals are for the next 2 years. I originally thought about doing a Mighty List, as first coined by Maggie Mason, but that just seems too big.
I think I’ll start with writing a list down – on actual paper, using an actual pen! I know, earth shattering, right? I am gonna forgo the buying a new book this time and head directly to creating venn diagrams and flow charts and ladders of success. Stay tuned.
I found this YouTube video of Gary Vaynerchuck’s Web 2.0 Expo Keynote on someone else’s blog (sorry I can’t remember!). Despite all of Gary’s larger than life personality and in your face charisma, I love the fact that he says, “stop crying, start hustlin.”
Just the other day I received an email from someone saying, “If you are not going to blog regularly, you should take this shit down.”
Well, YOU (and you know who you are) – thanks for the kick in the ass. I needed that. I realize the lack of writing should probably result in me getting caned or something. Or perhaps more fitting, I suffer an even more terrible fate like being forced to listen to an endless loop of Party In The USA. Then again, that could constitute cruel and unusual punishment. And you can’t punish all of the proprietors of abandoned blogs. We are 16 kagillion strong.
For those 10 or so of you left still reading my blog (hi Teresa!), I am happy to report I slipped out of my slump. I know I’ve said that before but this time I sincerely mean it. I’ve been telling everyone that I know that I’ve turned a corner and surprisingly they don’t roll their eyes. It’s probably because they are blinded by my newly effervescent and sparkly personality. Or perhaps they are taken aback that I’ve showered and brushed my hair. Or maybe it’s my new bronzer. See! Sparkly!
Okay, that’s enough of that.
Like with any reinvention, rejuvenation, whatever you want to call it – you may have noticed that I’ve got new digs. The redesign is based on this old photo of me that I found in a shoebox. I am standing in front of Empire Lake in Coos Bay, Oregon. We were probably out bass or blue gill fishing that day.
Yes, I know the difference between the two.
Yes, I was a tomboy.
Obviously.
But it’s not like I really had a choice – single dad, we were poor and I got hand me downs from my brother. You know the drill.
Anyway, I love that photo. I think I am getting ready to kick someone’s ass. Or I have to go pee.
All in all, the past few months have been an interesting mix of veganism, road trip to Alaska, 36th birthday reflections, new friends and all around mopeyness. I wish I could open up my brain and dump all the contents out so you can see where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to. But it looks like I’ll have to slog through it, once post at a time.
This week I have heard word from some friends of mine who, along with some friends of theirs, have decided to invest a substantial amount of money into my sad house that needs a lot of work. Obviously, these are very good people and needless to say – I am completely overwhelmed by the gesture.
Sure, they keep telling me it’s merely an investment, a business transaction that will earn them a return in the future. I completely get this left brained analysis of weighing the risks against the investment and that it’s probable they will earn a reasonable return on the loan. But – and it’s a big but – they just as easily could throw some money in the stock market or a balanced mutual fund and have the same net effect. They could do a lot of other things but they chose to help me.
So it shouldn’t go unnoticed that their investment goes beyond dollars and cents. I want them to know that they are investing in my future. In my ability to support Paige’s future. Maybe I could have recovered from a short-sell or foreclosure (if I couldn’t find a buyer), but I don’t know how I could have recovered over the emotional stress, impact on my self esteem or the sense that I failed at being a homeowner. One does not walk away from these situations unscathed – I don’t care what anyone says. Being in a situation in like this is painful. Even though you know you are going to make it through on the other side okay, you still walk around with your head hung a little lower, with your heart a little heavier.
And I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that this situation has changed the trajectory of my life. It’s not the money but the kindness that has made all the difference in the world to me. And not just their kindness, but the kindness of all my friends and all of you out there reading this – sending me your prayers and little notes of encouragement. You’ve split open my heart (as cheesy as that sounds) and for the first time made me realize the abundance of good that is out there. You can’t be touched with acts of grace and not be changed by it.
So what was shaping up to be a dreadful year is now turning into one filled with hope. 2009 will still be remembered as the year that I lost my Aunt and Uncle and subsequently spun into a deep depression that was hard to climb out of. But it will also be remembered as the year I finally realized that this lingering sense of feeling alone in the world is directly relational to me opening the door and letting people in. Being a friend also means accepting other people’s friendship (and help) in return.
At the end of the day, I am still moving to Vashon and will be renting out my house till the market gets better and I can sell it for a profit. I am ready for a change and I am terribly excited about the prospects of blowing open all the doors and windows and see what comes my way. And instead of feeling like I am running away from my past, I feel as though I am running towards my future.
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