Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

New Kid On The Block

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Okay. I have never moved anywhere by myself before. I moved to Portland, Oregon with my high school best friend, Amanda. After a falling out, I moved to Kellogg, Idaho to be with a boyfriend. Then it was off to Denver to live with my sister and down to Colorado Springs to live with a boyfriend again. After a couple of years of boomeranging, I finally settled in Seattle because of – the boyfriend (surprise!).

Come to think of it, I’ve never been on vacation by myself. Or been to a bar where I didn’t know anyone. I’ve only been to a movie alone once – which, btw, I could hardly stand because I was watching Lars and the Real Girl and ended up crying like a baby because Ryan Gosling had gained all that weight and no longer looked like Noah Calhoun.

I really haven’t done a lot of adventuresome things as a single adult woman. I’ve played it safe. I’m just a talker. Or as my friend Teresa says, “all talk.” But I am trying to break the mold and become less dependent on the safety net of friends that I’ve created. Really. In order to get out of my comfort zone I live on a rural island, for pete’s sake.

So 30 days into it and I am starting to get a bit lonely. When you don’t have the distractions of the city, you have a lot more time to reflect on your life and how you want it to be. And sitting at home reading self-help books while sipping on a hot toddy because I don’t know anyone here is not exactly how I want it to be.

Oh God. Listen to me. Now I am really starting to sound like a Bridget Jones movie. All of the sudden I feel like I am going to a new high school but without the benefit of getting to see the same people everyday. I am the new kid on the block. Except here, the blocks generally have ONE HOUSE on them.

What are my options as an adult to meet new people? Knitting circle? Farmer’s market? Square dance? Barn raising? I know, I know – I am stereotyping here. But where am I going to meet men? The library? Singles night at Thriftway Market? Ladies night at the Red Bicycle Bistro the sushi/burger/fish and chips/nightclub? This is all so confounding.

Case in point – the other day Paige and I were at Perry’s Vashon Burger and an adorable man walks and the door, looks at me and says, “You should smile.” And I do. And he says, “That’s much better.” And I keep grinning, because I am an ass. But what else can I do? Slip him my number and mortify my teenager? Tell him I’ll see him at the hoe down?

And really, is this a joke? Do all the cute single men hang out at the burger joint? Though it kinda makes sense somehow – really? A burger joint that doesn’t serve beer? This must be some version of hell. There’s only so many burgers that this girl can eat. And I shouldn’t be eating any of them.

perrys

Posted in Daily, Dating | 12 Comments »

S.S.S.

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

I looked at the calendar and I am in dread that it is already August 25th and I am literally drowning in my own dissatisfaction with the way things are going right now. Time is moving past me so quickly and conversely I am moving so daaarrrnnnn sllooooooowwwly. Throw in some story problem about how two trains are heading towards each other at different speeds and it will equal to exactly how my life feels. It should go something like this: “If Giyen equals “X” and the speed of the train equals “Y” and it’s 9:34 pm right now, what time will Giyen reach her destination?” NEVER. Giyen will never reach her goal because she’s too tired to do algebra right now.

I am starting to think the story of my life is beginning to look like a Brigette Jones sequel sans the naughty bits with Hugh Grant or Colin Firth (which consequently are the best scenes). I’m talking about the parts of the movie where it focuses on being a single thirty something who counts calories, reads self help books and wears bunny costumes at all the wrong times. Sadly, for some reason “Giyen Kim’s Diary” just doesn’t sing “blockbuster romantic comedy” so I don’t even have that to fall back on.

What I guess I am saying is that I am feeling a bit lackluster right now. And a bit lonely. Busy, but lonely. I told my friend Rene that I was destined to become the woman who dresses up her cats and calls them her babies and lets them lick tunafish off of her spoon. She laughed and then offered me few words of encouragement. She says that she just knows that there is “a Bill Clinton type” out there for me. I just haven’t found them yet.

Then I tried to throw her what I call the “soft pitch” about me considering online dating:

Me: What do you think of online dating?
Rene: Ugh God. Those are the worst people.
Me: What do you mean?
Rene: They are the worst people to wait on (she works in a prominent downtown restaurant).
Me: Tell me more.
Rene: There is this one guy who comes in and sits at the bar. Every Tuesday and Thursday he brings his Match.com dates and tries to get laid. The other night things got so hot and heavy that he actually said, “I want to be in….”
Me: OH GOD, STOP RIGHT NOW.
Rene: Yeah. The bartender was so mortified that he had to run to the other side of the bar just so he wouldn’t have too see/hear the rest.
Me: GROSS.
Rene: And then there are the “It’s Just Lunch” people. They pretend like they are going to eat lunch but just sit there having coffee because they don’t really want to spend money on people that they just met two seconds ago. It’s horrible because they pretend like they are going to eat, but never do.
Me: Please stop.
Rene: Don’t get me started on the “SSS.”
Me: Whaaat??
Rene: The Same Side Sitters. The guys that insist that they sit on the same side of the booth because it’s more romantic.
Me: Now you really need to stop …

Posted in Daily, Dating | 20 Comments »

Sex & The Single Mom

Thursday, June 18th, 2009


Oh be-jesus. Why do I overshare? Did I really say that?

Okay, in the latest Momversation video Daphne from Cool Mom asks, “Is Your Mom-self Overtaking Your Sexual-self?”

My answer?

YES.

YES.

YES.

First of all … there’s a lot edited out of each video. There’s probably 30 minutes of footage that gets left on the production floor – never to see the light of day. Just so you know (a.k.a. damage control), Daphne mentioned that she had a single-mom friend who hasn’t had sex in 4 years offline. I retorted, “I am that single mother who hasn’t had sex in 4 years!” So I wasn’t quite having a random outburst about my sex life … there was actually some dialog about it that got edited out.

THAT SAID. It has been a long time. Maybe not 4 years, but a long, long time. And it’s true. I do feel like that sexy part of me is lost. And sometimes I feel completely pathetic about it. And not even pointy shoes can fill the void of actually feeling sexy because you are having sex. It’s awfully lonely sometimes.

Then again, these days I am a bit less cavalier about having sex. You could almost say that I am re-virginized like a born-again Christian or a Jonas Brother who is abstaining from sex because of their values. Maybe I should get one of those purity rings. Oh God. Please strike me down right now.

The truth is is that I just can’t find a partner. I am not meeting anyone that I am interested in having dinner with so I really can’t imagine finding someone that I want to get all sweaty and moany with. And honestly, having casual sex at age 35 doesn’t quite seem like who I am anymore. And I have nothing against casual sex. I was one of those people who had a lot of sex and then bragged about it to other people. If I was a SATC personality, I would have described myself to be a Samantha back in the day. Really. I swear to God. But clearly I have now morphed into a Charlotte (minus the religion) – it’s all about hope and love and happy endings.

Or maybe I’ve had all the sex one is supposed to have in their lifetime and therefore I have used up all of my credits in my twenties and early thirties. Good lord. I’ve used up my quota. That just can’t be right.

I just keep thinking that I am going to meet the guy who is going to blow my mind up and then it will be a done deal. That I won’t have to go through the bad date phase or the messiness. I’ve done that. If I have used up all my quota for sex, then I’ve also managed to use up my “bad date” quota too.

My plan now?

Meet guy. Live happily ever after. The end.

Something tells me it’s not quite going to be that easy.

Ugh. Shall we let the litany of bad date stories begin?

As if I wasn’t self-conscious enough.

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Posted in Daily, Dating, Midthirties Crisis | 14 Comments »