—-

M: What do you think are some good rules for kids to follow regarding safe cell phone usage?
P: Don’t talk to anyone that you don’t know. Don’t give away too much personal information. Don’t tell things that may be harmful to other people’s feelings.
M: How does that compare to my rules?
P: They are pretty down.
—-

M: What do you considered sexting?
P: When people send pictures of themselves or talk dirty over the cell phone.
M: Why do you think people do that?
P: Because they are bored.
M: Have you ever sexted?
P: Mom, I don’t even text much anymore.
M: You didn’t answer the question.
P: Mom, I have never sexted before.
M: Don’t ever send naked pictures of yourself. That stuff lasts forever! You never know what people could use it for.
P: Believe me, I know.
M: Do you know people who have send naked pictures of themselves?
P: Yes.
M: Do you know if they regretted it?
P: I don’t know.
—-

M: Do you think you got a cell phone at the right age? (6th grade)
P: I think I was a little old.
M: YOU WERE A LITTLE OLD? Are you SERIOUS?
P: Actually, maybe no.
M: Looking back, I don’t think you were mature enough to handle a cell phone.
P: Yes I was.
M: Then why did I have to keep paying overages on cell phone use? You were not able to handle to rules and instead made me pay hundreds of dollars in overage fees until I got an unlimited plan.
P: Nuh-uh.
M: I am still a little bitter about it.
M: Don’t you think that I was clear with you?
P: Yes, but you were too strict.
M: Don’t you think 20,000 text messages in a month is a little excessive? Can you imagine spending that much time text messaging now?
P: No … I just had no life.
—-

M: Why do you prefer text messaging over phone calls?
P: Because, it’s more casual. Actually, I kind of like phone calls now.
M: You do? Interesting, why?
P: Because it’s quicker. If I have to say something or have a conversation.
M: You never call me though.
P: You never pick up the phone when I call. Sometimes I have to call you TWO THREE TIMES IN A ROW.
M: SORRY, I don’t have the luxury of hanging out next to the phone waiting for you to call when I am at work.
P: That’s why I text you.
M: Okay, that makes sense.
P: EXACTLY. it makes perfect sense.
—-

M: Have you ever had an argument over text messaging?
P: OOOHHHH YEEEESSSS.
M: Oh yes? It sounds like you have a lot of experience.
P: Oh the drama!!
M: Do you do that anymore.
P: No?
M: What changed?
P: I am a different person and I am not wrapped into the drama anymore. I don’t really text anymore.
M: What is the worst argument you’ve had with someone over texting?
P: Probably bitching someone out for getting with my boyfriend.
M: Really? That’s even a bigger argument than some of the arguments you had with your exboyfriend?
P: He and I didn’t really fight over text message. But the other boyfriend and I did.
M: Do you ever regret anything you have ever said over text?
P: I don’t really care. I don’t regret anything.
M: Wow.
P: It takes too much time to regret things.
—-

M: How long can you go without texting?
P: Probably a couple of days.
—-

M: Have you ever used your cell phone to cheat in class?
P: It’s too hard to cheat in class. You get all sketched out. Plus, the teachers are much better at noticing texting in class now.
M: You think so? What about your friend that tried to do it?
P: Well, we were in the cafeteria that day. That’s probably why.
M: How popular is cheating via text messaging?
P: Probably not as popular as the old fashioned way …
M: What is the old fashioned way?
P: The whole looking over people’s shoulders and stuff.
P: Cameras are used though. Some people take pictures of tests and send them around.
M: REALLY? So people can get a preview of the contents of the test?!?! That’s clever.
P: Yes. There are some high quality cell phones out there. But that’s just what I’ve heard …
—-

M: What do you think of parents who don’t give their kids a lot of unlimited text messaging?
P: Depends on the person and whether they wanted to text a lot. It’s up to the parents to make sure the kids don’t go over?
M: WHAT?
P: Now that I think of it, you could probably lower our text message plan.
M: No it’s fine, we are on an unlimited family plan.
—-

M: Do you ever write with (on paper) LOL SPEAK?
P: WHAT?
M: Do you ever find yourself writing in text message shorthand for a report?
P: FOR A REPORT?
M: Yes, like if you were writing a report for school.
P: Only ‘cuz. ‘Cuz it’s so much shorter than ‘because.’
M: Do you ever get in trouble for that?
P: I only do it on notes or things aren’t getting graded.
—-

M: Do you think that a 5th grader needs a smart phone?
P: No. They just need the basics. Smart phones should not be for anyone younger than a 7th grader. But it really depends on the person. If the person was an electronic person …
M: Why would you desire a smart phone?
P: I don’t know, because they are pretty. I mean, I am really fine with what I have.
M: Would you go on Facebook if you had one of those phones?
P: No, because I really don’t like Facebook. I think FB is like a big, terrible piece of website.
M: It’s a waste of time.
P: IT’S A WASTE OF TIME.
M: So many of your friends are on FB …
P: For stalking. FB is just for stalking.
M: Don’t you think that’s kind of weird?
P: It’s better for you to know someone in person than pretend to know them with what you see on FB.
—-

M: Do you hear a lot of cell phone interruptions during class?
P: I do sometimes, but most people don’t use them in class.
M: Do they get in trouble?
P: No, then just turn it to silent.
M: Do you think cell phones should be banned?
P: They are technically banned, but nobody listens. They still bring their phones in.
—-

M: Do you have extra strong thumb muscles?
P: Yes, but they’ve really are much weaker now that I don’t text message as much.
—-

M: Anything else you’d like to tell parents out there?
P: Don’t take away a kid’s cell phone for punishment because it’s just really annoying. It just makes kids mad at you. Make kids do hard labor or something.
M: But that’s why parents take the cell phone away from kids, because it annoys them.
P: You should make kids do hard labor instead. Why would you want to annoy your kids?
M: I think I am going to keep with my punishment strategy. Or I will incorporate both.
P: You would.

M: You know, in the continuum of parenting, I don’t think I am the strictest parent out there.
P: MOOMM. I AM SIXTEEN YEARS OLD AND STILL HAVE A BED TIME. YOU MAKE ME GO TO BED AT 9:30 ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. NO ONE ELSE HAS A BEDTIME.
M: Now that you bring this up, it’s 9:39, so it past your bedtime. We’ll leave our interview here.

Please note: This is a compensated post.

Later this month, as part of a campaign sponsored by LG and BlogHer, I will be interviewing Paige and hopefully a few of her friends about texting, sexting and of course, safety around cell use. And to top it off, because this topic is so important for our kids and their futures, BlogHer will match LG’s donation of .50 to Dosomething.org for every comment on this post. This means Dosomething.org will get a $1.00 for each and every one. Now get to it. What are you waiting for.

Matt: Wait! I see a gray hair.
Me: Yes, the have been appearing with greater frequency.
Matt: I hope your whole head of hair turns white.
Me: That is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Matt: I mean, I think it would look cool.
Me: Dude, I am only 36. I have a long way to go.

But it’s true. Gray hairs have been popping up all over my head. It wouldn’t been so obvious if I had say, BLONDE HAIR. But I am Asian and my hair is black. What can I do? They are sprouting up and multiplying all over the place. I can’t stop it, I can only get rid of them.

My friend Rene, who is a bit superstitious, snips her gray hair at the scalp. Why doesn’t she just pluck them out? Well, I am glad you asked! She heard that if you pluck one gray hair out, 10 more will sprout out in it’s place. It may be superstitious, but she’s not taking any chances.

I attribute the arrival of more gray hair to my increased anxiety over being a parent. Man, I thought those diaper years were hard. In retrospect, babies can’t drive, don’t talk back and are generally congenial when they’ve been burped and their diapers have been changed. Teenagers on the otherhand are crafty – they pretend like they don’t need you even though they really do. They test your boundaries and all your patience. It’s annoying.

I wish I had some sort of handbook for raising teenagers (any suggestions?) or a parent of my own to ask advice from, but I don’t. I can only proceed hoping that I don’t mess things up too bad. Gah! I have a headache.

WAY.

P: “I thought that only happened in ‘olden’ times.”

We then got on the topic of Communism and China. No one should start talking about China right before bedtime. It’s too much. You can go on endless tangents like – What do you think the factory workers are thinking about when they make those millions of rubber duckies? Do you think that they think Americans have some sort of weird duck fetish? Do they wonder what we do with all those rubber ducks? Or why we keep ordering more each year?

Why? Even I can’t explain why.

I went on to tell her that the government in China used to strongly discourage the practice of any type of religion. Her reaction – “What! What about Buddhism? What about the Dalai Lama? What do they do with him?”

M: “He doesn’t live in China.”
P: “WHHHHAAATTT?”
M: “His home is Tibet, but he doesn’t live there either. He lives in exile in India.”
P: “WHHHHAAATTT?”
M: “Tibet is currently occupied by China. The Chinese government is not fond of the Dalai Lama at all.”
P: “That’s crazy. Who doesn’t like the Dalai Lama?”
M: “That’s a good question.”

Next topic.

P: “Where is Amsterdam? I can’t remember.”
M: “WHHHHHAATTT?”
P: “I heard Amsterdam was a cool place to go.”
M: “Like what kind of cool? Who told you this? Why do you want to go there?”
P: “Geez. I just asked you what country Amsterdam was in.”

Change subjects.

P: “Where’s the happiest place on earth again?”
M: “Denmark.”
P: “Why are they so happy?”
M: “Well, lots of reasons. Free health care. Free education. There is this feeling of equality amongst the Danes. They have a saying ‘Jante-lov’ which means ‘You’re no better then anybody else.”
P: “They probably think the rest of the world is crazy”
M: “I don’t think they even care. But it’s not all great, they do pay a lot of taxes.”
P: “How much?”
M: “Between 40% and 70% of your income.”
P: “WHHHHHAATTT?”
M: “Yep – but they happily do so.”

P: “Mom?”
M: “Yes, Paige?”
P: “Can you please stop talking and leave me alone? I am trying to go to sleep.”

Paige has always been fascinated by the Alice in Wonderland story. It didn’t hurt that Johnny Depp was in the most recent film adaptation. That girl LOOOOVEEESS some Johnny Depp. Really now, who doesn’t? Did you see him in that John Dillinger movie? Huzzah.

The only beef I have with Alice in Wonderland is that inevitably your kid will ask you the big question – “What is a hookah?” One could respond with something like, “Well dear, it’s something imaginary that they made up for the caterpillar part. It’s not real.” But eventually, your kids will get smarter and will realize that you are talking in platitudes. That’s when you know the jig is up.

As a parent you can go down one of two roads: maintain the lie and build upon it OR tell the truth. I chose the truth – “Paige, hookahs are meant for sharing tea. That’s why they have so many straws. Duh.”

Okay. Maybe that wasn’t exactly the truth. But that’s the great thing about parenting – the job never ends. You can make a lot of mistakes and you still get to do it again tomorrow. It is the ultimate Groundhog Day.

At this juncture, Paige realizes that hookahs are not just for caterpillars. It’s pretty obvious that hookahs are not meant for tea either – no one that she knows would dare expose themselves to a potential “backwash” situation like that. Eeeew. Gross.

Obviously, I am still working on graceful answers to questions along those lines. Let’s just hope we don’t get started on the whole, “When Alice eats the mushroom …” discussion anytime soon.

1. She thought that I knew everything and reveled in awe about how smart I was.
2. We started having adorable 2-way conversations about abstract topics like religion – Me: Do you believe in God? Paige: No, I believe in Gods.
3. She started telling silly jokes and thought that she was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S (therefore she was hilarious).
4. I could sew her a wizard’s cloak and she thought I was magic.
5. She still let me hold her hand.

After the age of 10, Paige started to turn on me. She started making me do things like go to Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister and Gilly Hicks all in one day (which is just cruel). She ran up my phone bill by sending something like 15,000 text messages in one month (this really happened). She started spending all of her free time on an island and not with me (and now I live on that same island just so I could spend more time with her). She stopped holding my hand (even when no one was looking). Obviously, this was all very traumatic for me.

Lately though, I have started to think that we’ve hit another magical period in our relationship. I thought this wouldn’t happen again for a long while – especially after a series of meltdowns and those four dark, dark months where every sentence started with, “I MOVED TO THIS ISLAND FOR YOU ….” Just the other day as we were walking next to each other she threw her arm around my shoulders and said, “I am taller than you.” My point is, she actually made physical contact with me – in public even!

I’ll try not to hope for such a radical shift in mother/daughter dynamics. I don’t expect that I will stop using the “I moved to this island for you …” line anytime soon (I’ve gotten too attached to the phrase). But who knows what will happen tomorrow – I may just get a hug.