Posts Tagged ‘change’
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Monday, October 6th, 2008
I used to think that we are all being measured by what we are as individuals. But as I get older I am beginning to realize that we are actually being measured by how well we relate to other people. Suffice to say, while we may put ourselves on a pedestal and proudly identify ways we are different and unique, I have now come to the understanding that life is so much more palatable when you realize how ordinary most aspects of your life really are. And as cliche as it sounds, I have come to accept the fact that I put socks on one at a time just like every other person on this planet. This used to a be terrifying thought for me, but now I take silent comfort in the fact that we are all more similar than we are different. This what keeps me hopeful about humanity, even when our national leaders spew out ridiculous stuff like this or when I see something as disturbing as this.
Given all this recent introspection, I’ve settled in with the notion that all of the emotional tumult that I have been experiencing these past few months is not uniquely my own. According to this article or or this one here, I am either right on schedule or a tad early (which I believe is attributable to having a kid at age twenty) for a midlife or mid-thirties crisis. And just like the legions of the other women (and men) who have experienced this ‘crisis’ before me – things that we have been tolerating about ourselves, our lives and most certainly others are now becoming intolerable. The time that we have spent filling up with unsubstantial or insignificant things now grows increasingly important to us and taking action towards a more meaningful life becomes a premier endeavor.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not gonna stop watching Youtube videos or reading really trashy gossip blogs because I really enjoy those diversions from time to time.
I’m just only going to do those things while I am at work.
Tags: change, happiness, links
Posted in Daily, Midthirties Crisis | 3 Comments »
Sunday, October 5th, 2008
Every year around this time I get this unmistakable feeling of change and new beginnings. It hearkens back to when I was a kid. Septembers were always steeped in traditions of fall – start of the new school year, new clothes, new Buster Browns, new pencil box. I can still feel the sting of the fall air while waiting for the school bus under those dark early morning skies. Only because I now take the metro into town everyday and freeze my ass off. Not that I would mind a chunk of ass being frozen off.
Fall has always been my favorite time of year, even though as an adult it now just means I have to get my ass out of bed extra early to get Paige off to school. And given that I am a night owl, this type of ‘new start’ at the end of summer is just a bit painful for me. Nonetheless, there is just something about that nip in the air that triggers something in my DNA, as if the rituals of putting on more layers is a sign of something incubating in my mind and it signals that its time to let go of the carefree notions of summer in order to get things done.
So this fall has all of the promise of a beginning, but I feel different. None of the same distractions or stop gaps that I create for myself are satisfying. Blame it on Obama (and incessant ‘change’ mantra) but I feel that I need to do something drastic with my life. Not just the cut your hair short into a bob kind of a different or I think I’m gonna wear less black kind of change. More like, “WOW the first 34 years went by so damn fast and life hasn’t exactly turned out as planned” kind of epiphany. I am crawling out of my skin and there is nothing I have found to placate this feeling.
So as of late, I have totally been thinking about packing up shop in Seattle and moving somewhere smaller and more intimate. Not a place where folks say, “you betcha” or “doggone-it” all the time, but someplace where when I hear a gunshot, I don’t necessarily assume it’s due to someone trying to harm another person. While I don’t necessarily want to attribute gunshots to someone trying to shoot a wolf from a helicopter either, this option seems just a bit better than the former. But just a tiny bit better.
So here it is, I am saying it out loud:
I am inexplicably being drawn to a more quiet and rural lifestyle. The kind I used to shun when I was say … about 16 years old.
Let lightening strike down on me now (but only if I get a pair of Tony Lamas and a 10 Gallon Hat).
Tags: change, moving
Posted in Daily | 1 Comment »
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