Since you and I can’t sit and sip on a bottle of bourbon and chat all day about this, here’s the short version answer to that question:

My father has been married four times. FOUR TIMES. How can that not mess you up?

Of the four marriages, wife #2 was by far the worst. I can unapologetically say that being around her was worse than being around my own mother, who was a paranoid schizophrenic. If that ain’t saying something, then I don’t know what else does.

To sum it all up – wife # 2 was incredibly abusive, both verbally and physically. I can trace most of my neurosis as an adult from the seven years that she spent casting an ominous cloud over me. That woman completely terrorized me in a “Mommy Dearest” kind of way (“NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!”).  And to make matters worse, she treated my older sister like she was her pet. I, on the other hand, was called “dae-jee” (or “piggy” in Korean) and was ridiculed for being less than perfect. When my father and she finally got a divorce, I was doing a little happy dance inside. I was just so relieved to not walk on eggshells all the time or be yelled at for things like not folding the laundry correctly. It was a complete relief to me, but my sister was completely devastated.

After living through 3 divorces as a child and watching a zillion fights – my views relationships are completely skewed. As a result, I’ve had three major relationships in my life and none of them panned out. I did the best that I could with the dysfunctional toolbox that I had, but I really think my past relationships have been a diversion to avoid dealing with who I was. I fell into a trap that was hard to climb out of.

Nowadays, I think I have moved passed all that. I am a champion for love. I don’t necessarily believe that marriage is important, but love – love is something that I would go to the mat for. I give all the credit to Heather, Rebecca and Daphne for making their marriages work. From my experience, it’s not easy to maintain a relationship for the long haul. And as for Mindy, I think sometimes it’s harder to walk away … and choose happiness and self preservation.

When giving relationship advice, I always tell people to choose happiness. If you are happier together, even though things are sometimes bad, then it’s worth holding out for the times when things are good. If you spend your days fantasizing about being solo (I did this alot) then get out – get out fast.

And for goodness sakes, be gentle with your kids. They are no reason to “stay together” but there’s no good reason to tear them up while your relationship is falling apart.

PS. Check out the comment section of this Momversation episode. These ladies have a lot to say on the topic of divorce and are quite frank about their own experiences. I think it’s great to hear the whole spectrum of stories.

It’s precisely 10:24 pm on a Wednesday evening and I am pilfering through today’s top news stories which include:

1. Palin and her $150k new wardrobe.
2. Battle of the Robo-calls.
3. Most Californians oppose Gay marriage.

I’ve got to tell you that this election cycle is killing me.  Literally, it’s killing me.  Every time I hear that the polls are “within a margin of error” I want to eat 5 Big Macs so I can die sooner and be put out of my misery.  Really.  Some of my fellow Americans are threatening to leave Earth if a certain someone get’s elected.  Leave Earth … can we do that? Where do I reserve my seat? Should I pack for hot or cold weather?

God, there really aren’t enough antacids to help me through the next two weeks. I can’t take another article about Sarah Palin’s red shoes or how her flag pin is as large as a child’s fist.  Can’t you do something about this?  And please, with all due respect, I don’t need something like an economic crisis or a Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce to get my mind off of the election. Forget that. I know you think you’re doing us a favor by creating a diversion but what we really need is to stop feeling like we are on the verge of throwing up every time a new poll comes out.

I know, I am sounding a bit hysterical but I am starting to think Anderson Cooper and Chuck Todd are my best friends. Larry King is beginning to look like Mr. Burns and there is more and more speculation mounting about James Carville’s ethnicity. Things are getting so dismal around here that Jon Stewart has resorted to doing impressions of Tom Brokaw and Dan Rathers. Have we no shame?

Are you there God?  Are you listening?  Can you please make it Nov. 5th already? I’ve provided this video as tutorial on how you might go about altering time:

I know you are busy, but any attention to this matter would be greatly appreciated.  Both Joe the Plumber and Joe the Senator would be ecstatic about it. Not to mention my gastroenterologist, who would be thrilled to stop hearing from me.

God, when you really think about it, if we fast forwarded two weeks into the future we probably wouldn’t be missing out on too much.  Project Runway’s season finale is over, we are not in an American Idol cycle and the From G’s to Gents season restarts pretty much every two weeks anyway.  We can Tivo everything else.  Honest.

I’m just asking you to take it into consideration.

Thanks for listening,

Bacon

P.S.  And since I have your ear … can we put this whole gay marriage issue to bed?

“People are gonna be who they’re gonna be. And we need to learn to love them for who they are and let them love who they want to love.”  ~ E.D.

I’m not asking to take the guns away, I’m just asking you to give everyone equal opportunity to be miserable.