Posts Tagged ‘happiness’
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Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
April 4th marks the one year anniversary of my last day employment at the job that sucked the light right out of me.
After quitting, I took a small business/entrepreneurship class. (You know, cause I had nothing to do for the first time in 7 years.) As part of the 10-week curriculum, they asked each student to create a “visual representation” of their career goals. Most people pulled together a makeshift vision board made up of newspaper and magazine clippings. I decided to paint something:
I very rarely paint – maybe twice in the past 10 or so years. In fact, I completely forgot I did this one. I found it when I was sorting through a pile of paperwork to be recycled. There it was, shoved in a 3-ring binder from the class.
I can remember telling people that I wanted to blog for a living. People would say something along the lines of, “Blogging? What is that? Is that some new exercise? Is that a hobby? No really, what do you want to do?” Even I was a doubter.
12 months later, here I am. It’s crazy. Maybe I haven’t accomplished all of the things that I set out to, but I am well on my way.
Here’s to dreaming.
Tags: blogging, happiness, Milestones
Posted in Daily, Milestones | 19 Comments »
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
I woke up this morning sort of in a panic because I realized that if I don’t start kicking things into gear, I might just fall apart financially. Sadly, I am not independently rich and the U.S. economy is going to shit so it’s hard to find consulting work. And while I can probably start beating myself up over not utilizing these past couple of months more efficiently – I’m not going to. I am happy for the first time in the long time and it’s made all the difference in the world to me.
But (and it’s a big but), as much as I would like to think, happiness just doesn’t pay the bills. And I very much doubt that I could sustain “being happy” while not being able to afford that cute pair of shoes I have been coveting. Just being realistic here.
So now, my brain has shifted gears – from daydreaming about what I want to do, to putting into action all those things that I want to get done. Let us not have all this risk I am taking be for nothing. I intend to have it all. And instead of working hard at doing something I don’t like. I am going to work harder doing something I love.
This may mean making some sacrifices like starting to give up my slow mornings drinking rooibos tea and reading the New York Times and CNN online.
Oh just saying it (writing it?) out loud sounds so heartbreaking. I looovvveee my slow mornings.
And I’ve found that spending so much time alone writing has actually started making me talk to myself. I think I do it just to make sure that I have an “actual” voice rather than the interior monologue that keeps yammering all day long. It’s nuts. I am almost tempted to get a part time job just so I can be around new people. Maybe then I’ll stop believing that the mail carrier is a good person to talk to or that working from a coffee shop constitutes social interaction.
Oh, this situation is now sounding grave.
Tags: finding happiness, happiness, work
Posted in Daily, Midthirties Crisis | 9 Comments »
Friday, November 14th, 2008
Today I asked a prominent blogger & author (who I admire very much) if she had any advice about transitioning my career from nonprofit to freelance writing. Her reply:
“Go back to philanthropy!! Before you start to like it here!! It doesn’t earn a living, let me tell you …”
This of course sent shivers down my spine because I gave up the security of 9 to 5 job for love and a laptop. Self-love, that is. Self-preservation. Over the last 14 years I had been so focused on making everyone else happy that I didn’t have anything left for myself. I know I am not alone in this feeling. In fact, I believe that I have just described how 85% of all mothers feel. (Another 10% are on medication and don’t feel anything at all.)
These days, instead of getting whatever leftover time there is in the day, I have become fanatical about time for me! me! me! I am addicted to writing. I am now an idea factory. I have so many projects that I want to work on that I don’t have time for them all. My house is a mess. I have no idea where all the spoons went. I am not the least bit curious about that weird odor in my laundry room. My car could use an oil change. And, for all intents and purposes, next month could be a complete financial catastrophe if I don’t start hunkering down.
So yesterday I heard the word “yes” and today I hear the words “go back.” Life is so confusing sometimes I double down in nausea because of the uncertainty. Am I delusional? Is there such a thing as a happy medium? Can we have it all?
Tags: blogging, happiness, Midthirties Crisis
Posted in Daily, Midthirties Crisis | 10 Comments »
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