Tiny Revolutions

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Summer in Seattle is so incredibly beautiful that it makes you wonder why you even consider living anywhere else but here. Though it isn’t summer yet, we have been blessed with such incredible weather this past week that I’ve had a hard time concentrating on doing anything else but marvel at that bright shiny orb in the middle of a sky.

I used to dread this time of year – mostly because it meant that I was going to be hot. Physically hot, not HAWT! If you are overweight, you know exactly what I mean. While the rest of the world is walking around in flouncy skirts and spaghetti strapped dresses, you are trying to figure out if your cap sleeves are strategically hitting your upper arms so that your bat-wings don’t look too menacing. You are miserable in your long sleeves and pants.

In years past I used to get completely self-conscious about summer. This year however, the hot weather is like a breath of fresh air. I think in part, because I am spending a lot of time working on my attitude. Instead of fantasizing about where I could be (if it were not for …) or how much time I’ve wasted over the years – I am now concentrating on what I can do to change things in the present. Not tomorrow, not 6 months from now, but what can I do right now to impact the things that I want to change?

I’ve spent a lot of the time playing out scenarios in my head, without ever accomplishing anything in “real” life. Nowadays the time spent imagining how life could be is being devoted to actually doing something instead. Goals used to look something like this: “I am going to lose 70 lbs by summer!” These days it’s more along the lines of: “I am going to lose 2 lbs this week.” I’ve found that the latter works much better for me and is way less intimidating than trying to tackle the big sweeping mandates I’ve created for myself in the past.

So this past week I’ve accomplished some small things to make my life a little better right now:

• Created a monthly budget (as a guide)
• Ditched Quicken and started using a simple check register again
• Reduced my exercise goals to 3 times a week (if I exercise more, then yay!)
• Went to bed on time
• Assembled a bookshelf that I bought for my living room
• Started drinking more water
• Planned out my meals for the week
• Took a glucose tolerance test
• Rode the bus into work more often than not

And although each one of those things are in and of itself small and seemingly inconsequential – together they amount to a series of tiny revolutions towards achieving those big expansive goals that I have for myself.  All of those small actions subconsciously tells me that I am going somewhere. And for now, I won’t worry so much about the final destination. I am just going to work on the journey getting there.

And though I am not fond of poetry, lately I’ve been reciting this one in my head:

Speech to the Young: Speech to the Progress-Toward

By Gwendolyn Brooks

Say to them,
say to the down-keepers,
the sun-slappers,
the self-soilers,
the harmony-hushers,
“even if you are not ready for day
it cannot always be night.”
You will be right.
For that is the hard home-run.

Live not for battles won.
Live not for the-end-of-the-song.
Live in the along.

Tags: cnn, ireport
Posted in Weight Loss, Weight Updates | 13 Comments »

Finding The Right Dance Partner

Monday, May 18th, 2009

Perhaps I am old fashioned, but over the years I come to the conclusion that it’s a requirement to like my physician. I used to think that it didn’t matter, that one person could conduct a pap smear just as well as the next, but nowadays, I’ve turned the corner on that old ideology. I think it’s completely necessary to like your doctor.

Around 8 years ago, I got my first job that had employer sponsored health insurance as part of the benefits package. I hadn’t had regular health care since I was a kid, so when it was offered, I researched to find the best doctor I could. I asked all my friends, did some Google-ing and eventually settled an M.D. who was voted People’s Choice winner for “Best Doctor in Western Washington.”

Over the years I tried really hard to like her, but I didn’t. I wanted my daughter to like her, but my daughter really didn’t. After years of feeling like she wasn’t listening, I was the one who checked out. I had reached my limits. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when she prescribed me Ritalin as a way to diagnose me for ADD: “If it works, then it’s likely that you have ADD, if it doesn’t work and you feel like you’re on speed, then you probably don’t have ADD.” I never went back to her again. Sadly, I never took the time to find another doctor, until recently.

Today I saw my new doctor for the first time. Let me start by saying that I love Dr. Duke. She didn’t rush me or try to fix me right away. She didn’t attempt to pump me full of pills. She didn’t look at me like I was crazy. She didn’t pretend like she knew everything. I felt comfortable, like I could debate the efficacy of resveratrol with her over a glass of pinot. And let me tell you, it feels awesome to have someone that you believe will be your healthcare advocate, your champion of well-being. It finally dawned on me – THIS IS THE WAY THAT IT SHOULD FEEL.

So if you aren’t getting what you need from your current doctor, don’t wait another minute – SWITCH DOCTORS. Don’t do what I did, which was spend years waffling and complaining about how I didn’t mesh with my M.D.

So here’s the good news about today’s appointment. My blood pressure is down. Last August or September, I was told that my BP was high … 140/90 and it was suggested that I start medication. But I refused and asked to have some time to lower it through making some lifestyle changes instead. I am happy to announce that my BP is now 105/70 – which according to this chart is excellent.

The bad news is that I have several symptoms that point towards PCOS. If anyone knows more about this, shoot me an email or send me a link of some good, credible information. I have already looked at the site called SoulCysters (which by the way, is the worst name for a website) and want to know if there are sites out there that don’t conjure up images of two engorged sister cysts.

I know, immature.

PS. Good week for health. Marginal week for weight loss.

Tags: cnn, ireport
Posted in Weight Loss, Weight Updates | 21 Comments »

Yo-Yo-Yo

Monday, May 11th, 2009

This morning I got on the scale and just about had meltdown when I realized the scale had gone the wrong direction again. And not just a pound … but three! When this happens …

I am mortified.

I am angry.

I am frustrated.

At myself.

For the self-sabotage (What harm can one margarita do?).

For the delusional thinking (I’ll work off that slice of cake!).

For not maintaining the balance that I so desperately need.

Seriously.

No seriously.

I’ve just realized that it’s so much harder “gradually” losing the weight. Learning to do something FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE is such a challenge. I do much better on the “eat only meat” type of diets because then it’s not about a diet … it’s just a mission to live within a box for a truncated amount of time. Just plow through it till you reach your goal and then it’s over. Your done. Go back to the bourbon and cheesecakes.

But the problem is, I’ve done the “box thing” ad nauseum. I can’t do the box thing anymore. The box is depressing. Stifling.

And hence, I struggle.

I haven’t quite mastered how far I can orbit around my center.

I don’t even know where center is.

But I have a hunch that it’s not between a side of bacon and shot of bourbon on the rocks.

Sigh.

Tags: cnn, ireport
Posted in Weight Loss, Weight Updates | 15 Comments »