Oh be-jesus. Why do I overshare? Did I really say that?
Okay, in the latest Momversation video Daphne from Cool Mom asks, “Is Your Mom-self Overtaking Your Sexual-self?”
My answer?
YES.
YES.
YES.
First of all … there’s a lot edited out of each video. There’s probably 30 minutes of footage that gets left on the production floor – never to see the light of day. Just so you know (a.k.a. damage control), Daphne mentioned that she had a single-mom friend who hasn’t had sex in 4 years offline. I retorted, “I am that single mother who hasn’t had sex in 4 years!” So I wasn’t quite having a random outburst about my sex life … there was actually some dialog about it that got edited out.
THAT SAID. It has been a long time. Maybe not 4 years, but a long, long time. And it’s true. I do feel like that sexy part of me is lost. And sometimes I feel completely pathetic about it. And not even pointy shoes can fill the void of actually feeling sexy because you are having sex. It’s awfully lonely sometimes.
Then again, these days I am a bit less cavalier about having sex. You could almost say that I am re-virginized like a born-again Christian or a Jonas Brother who is abstaining from sex because of their values. Maybe I should get one of those purity rings. Oh God. Please strike me down right now.
The truth is is that I just can’t find a partner. I am not meeting anyone that I am interested in having dinner with so I really can’t imagine finding someone that I want to get all sweaty and moany with. And honestly, having casual sex at age 35 doesn’t quite seem like who I am anymore. And I have nothing against casual sex. I was one of those people who had a lot of sex and then bragged about it to other people. If I was a SATC personality, I would have described myself to be a Samantha back in the day. Really. I swear to God. But clearly I have now morphed into a Charlotte (minus the religion) – it’s all about hope and love and happy endings.
Or maybe I’ve had all the sex one is supposed to have in their lifetime and therefore I have used up all of my credits in my twenties and early thirties. Good lord. I’ve used up my quota. That just can’t be right.
I just keep thinking that I am going to meet the guy who is going to blow my mind up and then it will be a done deal. That I won’t have to go through the bad date phase or the messiness. I’ve done that. If I have used up all my quota for sex, then I’ve also managed to use up my “bad date” quota too.
My plan now?
Meet guy. Live happily ever after. The end.
Something tells me it’s not quite going to be that easy.
Ugh. Shall we let the litany of bad date stories begin?
As a kid, dinner consisted of three kids sitting around table with only the sound of clinking of chopsticks and spoons against our Corelle dishes to break the silence. Honestly, I can’t remember a single conversation over dinner that was noteworthy, but then again, I tend not to dredge up the past very often. I definitely think that dinnertime at our house was a caricature of what a stereotypical Asian dinner looked like. Kids were seen, but not heard. And much of the conversation was in Korean and, sadly, I don’t speak Korean.
As a teen, it was just my father and I. Stepmother #1 was long gone, my father had started dating and my brother and sister had moved out of the house. I spent a lot of dinners reheating leftovers and eating alone. To this day, I can’t believe I am still fond of spaghetti and burritos.
Nowadays, I am not so insistent about sitting around the dinner table. Paige and I eat at the table about 60% of the time. Sometimes we zone out and watch a movie while we eat. Sometimes I am working late and Paige makes something for herself and eats alone. Sometimes we go out and have someone else cook for us for a change. It’s a total crapshoot. A mixed bag. But it works for just the two of us and I don’t think we would be any closer if we sat around the table every single night while we ate our spaghetti and burritos. It’s inconsequential for us.
So do I think that eating together is sacred? Sure it is. But I also think there are plenty of other ways to be “present” with your kids. In the car, at night when you are snuggling or over an ice cream cone – just listen and you’ll be surprised where the conversation takes you.
Here’s what Heather Armstrong from Dooce, Mindy Roberts from The Mommy Blog and I have to say about eating together as a family:
PS. Thanks for your patience and well wishes. I will get back into regularly posting when my head is on straight. The last three weeks have kicked my ass.
Anytime I think about germs or toxins or product recalls or bird flu or conflicting medical studies, I start to get a bit paranoid. This is especially so since the media tends to gravitate on stories about things that are going to kill me.
Nowadays, I try to take a moderate approach to living. I try to do things that have the least impact on the environment, but I am also human. I make bad choices.
In the great scheme of things, I secretly think that we really have little control over our destiny. Be it God, Allah, Buddha or Ganesh – it may be that we are just hanging on to this life with just a hope and a prayer.
In the interest of full disclosure, please note that product links redirecting you to other sites such as Amazon, BlueHost, Freshbooks and OpenSky may take you a purchase page of a company where I am a member of an affiliate program. As a result, I will often get a small percentage of the revenue or a commission off of something you have purchased. I am not otherwise paid to link to these sites, nor do I link to any products that I don't actually use or covet in real life. On the rare occasion I accept payment to review a product, it will be duly noted in its associated post.
Have no fear - you are under no obligation to buy anything to get the full enjoyment of this site. We can still be friends even if you never click on an affiliate link. Rest assured, this is all low pressure. I will never show up at your door with tiny vials of Avon perfume or trial jars of pearl cream to entice you. That said, I do truly appreciate when you do purchase something from a linked site - it all helps to keep the lights on and a roof over our heads.
, BlueHost, Freshbooks and OpenSky may take you a purchase page of a company where I am a member of an affiliate program. As a result, I will often get a small percentage of the revenue or a commission off of something you have purchased. I am not otherwise paid to link to these sites, nor do I link to any products that I don't actually use or covet in real life. On the rare occasion I accept payment to review a product, it will be duly noted in its associated post.
