Thursday, February 5th, 2009
Sometimes I think that I am missing an “emotional” chip. I rarely cry about things that people natural cry about – like death or being hurt or even being in physical pain. However, I once cried watching an episode of Who’s the Boss. And not because Tony Danza is such a bad actor or because the thought of Angela Bower and Tony “the housekeeper” Micelli doing “it” brings me to tears. It was a sad episode – OKAY?
I also cry every time I watch The Notebook – I know, so embarrassing and cliche. I’m the type of person who acts like she only watches stuff like Revolutionary Road, but really I have a lot of guilty pleasures like Perez Hilton and Britney Spears. I fully admit that I was a complete mess when I saw that part when Allie goes ballastic on Duke because she doesn’t recognize him anymore. It just tears me apart and I can hardly stand it watching it (over and over again) because my face contorts into the ugly cry.
I bring this up because I haven’t yet cried about my Uncle’s passing. I think that is totally messed up. I wish I could at least weep a little, but the more you try and cry, the more impossible it becomes. And even worse, I am completely going to miss my Uncle’s funeral. It’s today. I have an irrational fear of funerals which keeps me from even entertaining the thought of going. I feel like a cad.
You see, I have never been to a funeral in my whole life. Not a single one. Not even my own Mother’s funeral (I had no choice in the matter). I think that not being able to go to hers has just about ruined for all the other people who have passed away in my life. I know that if I went to a funeral I would probably have a mental breakdown. I know that if I went to one, all I would be thinking about is how I never got to properly say goodbye to my Mom and that still to this day do not know where she rests. A funeral would make that fact all the more tangible for me and it’s hard to reconcile it in my head.
So today, I’m going light a candle and say a little prayer for my Uncle Noel in the silence of the morning. We’ll have a conversation and I’ll say goodbye in the way that I know how. And I’ll hope to God he hears me, because he really will be missed.
Tags: noel henderson
Posted in Daily, Midthirties Crisis | 22 Comments »
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
Around noon yesterday I was reading my email while eating lunch,
And texting my friend Joel to make plans to hang out.
I took a quick walk down the block with a friend to get some fresh air,
And to bask in the sun.
I can remember thinking about was how lucky I was.
How lucky I am.
Around that same time, my Uncle Noel passed away.
He was in his 90′s.
My cousin told me that he died peacefully,
Of natural causes,
Asleep in a warm bed,
And not alone.
I keep hoping the tears will come.
But they wont.
I keep thinking of that brown recliner that he lived in,
Ate in,
Slept in.
Where he read paperback books,
In order to escape the mediocrity of life.
I keep thinking of his green plastic cup,
Which was the right size,
For a 32 oz bloody mary.
He called it the breakfast of champions.
And I believed him.
Tags: noel henderson
Posted in Daily | 11 Comments »
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