Friday, January 23rd, 2009
I woke up this morning sort of in a panic because I realized that if I don’t start kicking things into gear, I might just fall apart financially. Sadly, I am not independently rich and the U.S. economy is going to shit so it’s hard to find consulting work. And while I can probably start beating myself up over not utilizing these past couple of months more efficiently – I’m not going to. I am happy for the first time in the long time and it’s made all the difference in the world to me.
But (and it’s a big but), as much as I would like to think, happiness just doesn’t pay the bills. And I very much doubt that I could sustain “being happy” while not being able to afford that cute pair of shoes I have been coveting. Just being realistic here.
So now, my brain has shifted gears – from daydreaming about what I want to do, to putting into action all those things that I want to get done. Let us not have all this risk I am taking be for nothing. I intend to have it all. And instead of working hard at doing something I don’t like. I am going to work harder doing something I love.
This may mean making some sacrifices like starting to give up my slow mornings drinking rooibos tea and reading the New York Times and CNN online.
Oh just saying it (writing it?) out loud sounds so heartbreaking. I looovvveee my slow mornings.
And I’ve found that spending so much time alone writing has actually started making me talk to myself. I think I do it just to make sure that I have an “actual” voice rather than the interior monologue that keeps yammering all day long. It’s nuts. I am almost tempted to get a part time job just so I can be around new people. Maybe then I’ll stop believing that the mail carrier is a good person to talk to or that working from a coffee shop constitutes social interaction.
Oh, this situation is now sounding grave.
Tags: finding happiness, happiness, work
Posted in Daily, Midthirties Crisis | 9 Comments »
Friday, October 10th, 2008
After I told my staff that I was leaving the organization their emotional reaction was a little surprising to me. For christsakes, I was only there for 2 months. I left that day thinking, “They like me, they really like me!”
I must admit, I was a tiny bit smug by the outpouring. But in retrospect, I now realize the tears weren’t for me, they were for themselves.
GOOD LAWD, WE”RE BEING LEFT ALONE WITH THE CRAZIES AGAIN!!!
Tags: work
Posted in Daily | Comments Off
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